


249 million miles

by klutzybriefing



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Astronauts, Awkward Rey, Charismatic Ben, Charismatic Kylo, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, NASA nerds, Rey stutters, Reylo - Freeform, Roscosmos, some smut of course
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:04:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21624490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klutzybriefing/pseuds/klutzybriefing
Summary: NASA and the Roscosmos are working together on a decade-long human-manned Mars mission led by none other than Kylo Ren himself. Five out of twenty American trainees will be selected, and so will five Russians.Rey is a certifiable genius training for NASA's astronaut program at 23 years old. She's deeply socially inept, and has a mild stutter that becomes more pronounced when she's anxious. She's learned to keep herself very guarded over the years and has never allowed herself to be open with anyone but her former foster mother.Until the charismatic Kylo Ren comes barreling towards her at light speed from the Roscosmos program, and challenges everything she thought she knew about herself.Little does she know she's doing the same for him.Awkward/uncomfortable Rey, charismatic Kylo, devoted Reylo.More fluff than smut. A slow burn modern AU love story that might end in space, just gotta read to find out.Disclaimers:1. AUTHOR USED TO STUTTERand would never make fun of people who still stutter, nor would she ever intentionally perpetuate negative/harmful/untrue stereotypes :-)2. AUTHOR DOES NOT SPEAK EVEN A LITTLE RUSSIAN.Feel free to correct her. :-)
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 206
Kudos: 466





	1. transition the orbiter's onboard computers to launch configuration

Rey Kanata was born for take-off. 

Her assigned T-38 was an older model, dusty and scratched all over the control center. She knew she got the short end of the stick thanks to her age and general lack of experience. NASA didn’t make it a habit to recruit 23-year olds for its astronaut program. She’d graduated with a Master’s in Astrophysics when she was twenty (though, shockingly, she wasn’t even the youngest in her program at MIT) and would likely still be devoted to academia if she hadn’t come across that life-changing LinkedIn post. 

_NASA needs astronauts! Apply today! _

She remembers how she hummed when she saw it. She had three years of postgrad experience at that point, having started her Master’s at 17, but she wasn’t sure if that would count towards their extensive requirements. She’d also have to look up the physical requirements before she made a fool of herself during the application process. 

The interview process didn’t end up being so bad. She’d experienced more a more grueling process trying to get her citizenship as a legally emancipated 16-year-old with half the credits needed for a bachelor’s. 

Rey was a certifiable genius. When she was three, she impressed her foster parents by memorizing the Periodic Table, and they often showed her off at parties for her ability to do difficult math calculations in her head. She could fix anything you put in front of her, and was heavily involved in the local high school’s robotics club when she was nine. 

Most importantly, and much to her foster father’s chagrin, she remembered everything she heard. Which is why at six years old, she recited a phone call her father had with his mistress to her mother with impeccable detail. 

After that, she didn’t see him much. 

Her foster mother, Maz, officially adopted her and whisked her away to live in the States. Maz had dual citizenship, but the visa and green card application process was hell on Earth for Rey. So many interviews, so many questions, so many seemingly unnecessary trips to the DHS. 

Rey did not like people very much. 

She never felt like she was in on the joke, she had trouble reading peoples intentions, and she was extremely brash; occasionally even rude. She was so self-conscious about upsetting people that she’d developed selective mutism at 12, and still struggled with a stutter in new situations. Maz always told her she’d prefer Rey’s brain to social skills, but Rey wasn’t convinced by this. Her life felt lonely and uncomfortable and she was exceedingly jealous of Maz’s ability to make friends with anyone she met. 

Mathematics, engineering, and astronomy were her comfort zones. She couldn’t understand people, but she could understand space. Space was an endless void that was completely incapable of making fun of her or her slight stutter or perpetually flushed cheeks. Fortunately for her, just about everyone involved in hiring at NASA was just as awkward. They only cared about substance, not her ability to crack a joke or read subtext. Rey was sure they’d hire someone to be the “face” or “spokesman” of her astronaut group, and the rest would be uncomfortable weirdos, just like her. 

She was mostly right. The spokesman in question ended up being a guy named Poe Dameron, a genius pilot, de facto leader of Rey’s tiny class, and the complete and utter bane of her existence. He was optimistic, sarcastic, and happy to be alive, and all of these traits rubbed Rey the wrong way. He was never mean, though, so she just kept quiet around him and nodded when she felt like she needed to acknowledge something. 

Today they were doing the last round of their near 1,500 hour flight training course. They’d be moving on to spacewalking and language skills once this was over. After all was said and done, they’d start doing engineering and robotics. 

If Rey didn’t love space so much, she’d be doing robotics for a living. And since the equipment at NASA was state-of-the-art and paid for by taxpayers, she was excited to build a useful little friend. Perhaps she could even bring it to the Space Station with her. 

If she even got selected for space exploration. 

Her division lead, a horribly rude man named Snoke, was not much of a fan after a series of awkward, tense, and uncomfortable interactions on both ends. She knew she might be resigned to a life of research and mission support if she didn’t finally win his approval. 

There was a little bit of pomp when she landed—she got a certificate shoved in her hand— but other than that, she was sent off to the cafeteria without much adulation. She preferred it this way. 

She sat, homemade PB&J in hand, and examined the caf. There were members of the Roscosmos sprinkled in everywhere thanks to a joint mission that the current trainees had to fight for the opportunity to embark on: an American-Russian human Mars journey. Rey initially thought this was a natsec risk, but these nerds couldn’t care less about anything but space. They didn’t give a single shit about government secrets, and NASA and Roscosmos were on level playing field, anyway, thanks to treaties and agreements around space exploration. 

Rey had no desire to go to Mars. She hated the desert. 

“Zdravstvuyte,” she heard a deep voice boom from behind her. She quirked a brow, but didn’t turn around. Certainly they weren’t speaking to her? 

Whoever it was cleared their throat. “Я только что приехал. Могу ли я сесть рядом с тобой?”

Rey turned to look behind her and nearly choked on her own saliva. 

There was a man who had to be 6’2, probably 6’4 with his military-issue boots on. He had the darkest hair she’d ever seen, a strong, prominent nose, and chocolate eyes that made her blush when she met them. 

Yes, he was talking to her. No, she had no idea what to say. 

So she blinked at him. He blinked back at her, still gripping his tray. 

“Ты американка?” 

“Y-y-yeah. American.” She still had a slight accent, but she didn’t know if someone foreign would pick up on that. It made her feel more self conscious than the stutter. 

He defaulted to English. She noticed very quickly that he had no accent. “Oh. You look Russian.” 

Rey blinked at him again. “Okay.” 

She turned around and fixed her gaze back on her sandwich. The NASA trainees knew to leave her alone, but this man was relentless and sat down beside her, anyway. 

“I am Kylo. And you?” 

_Kylo._ She remembered that name. Poe had a conversation with Kaydel last week about Kylo Ren coming in from Russia. The guy had dual citizenship and spoke English and Russian fluently. He also had a very close connection to Director Snoke, despite working under the Roscosmos. 

They did not like Kylo Ren. She felt indifferent so far. 

“Rey.” 

“Not very talkative for an American,” Kylo grinned down at her. “Why are you eating alone?” 

“…I-I eat lunch alone every day.” Rey sighed at herself. She was nervous around men, much less attractive ones, and the stutter was unrelenting as a result. She typically had it under control, but nervousness really exaggerated it. 

“Well, you’re not alone anymore.” Kylo was still grinning. She wondered if he noticed. “I’m not one for talking, either, believe it or not.” 

“No, I don’t b-believe it.” 

Kylo laughed, and Rey didn’t know why. She wasn’t making a joke. Was it the stuttering? It wasn’t nearly as bad as it was when she was younger. She felt her face turn red and practically hid her face behind her sandwich. 

“How old are you?” 

_ Too many questions. _ “Twenty-three.” 

“How many years have you been training?” 

“One.” 

“What’s 3,412 times 560?” 

“One-million-nine-hundred-ten-thousand-seven-hundred-twenty.” 

“No stutter on numbers,” Kylo noted with a nod of his head. Rey’s mouth fell open, and he held up his hand defensively. “Calm down. It’s endearing.” 

Endearing? _Endearing?!_ And Rey thought she was rude!

She furrowed her eyebrows and turned back to her sandwich. She was no longer indifferent. She hated this handsome man. “F-f-fuck off.” 

“Mm. Be still my beating heart.” He shot her a wolfish grin, and Rey wanted to melt into the floor and die. 

“D-did Bazi-Bazine put you up to this? Are you here to make fun of me?” 

“Uh… what?” Kylo asked, cocking his head to the side. His face was suddenly serious, all traces of his formerly playful grin had disappeared entirely. “Are these NASA twats mean to you?”

“Yes.” 

“Oh.” He pushed his tray away and rested his elbows on the table, watching Rey curiously. “Well, I am sorry if I came off the wrong way. I’m… playful. But it’s never mean-spirited.” 

“Okay.” Rey shrugged. She was very much bothered, but she didn’t want to make a scene. She was so far out of her comfort zone that her fingers were shaking around what was left of her sandwich. He had to notice that. 

As if on cue, Poe Dameron slid into the space between them. His hips brushed hers while he settled in. Normally the contact would be uncomfortable, but she was so relieved to have a degree of separation from that Russian asshole Kylo that she hardly registered it. 

“You bothering our little Rey of sunshine?” Poe asked Kylo, skipping any pleasantries with Rey entirely. His tone was both playful and venomous. “She seems a little worked up. Care to explain?” 

“I was just leaving,” Kylo nodded as he rose from the table. He never touched his food. “She is very sweet, and very smart. Glad you’re looking out for her.” 

“Sweet?” Poe asked, turning to face Rey while Kylo walked away. She knew why. 

Rey was not sweet. She was awkward and off-putting and never said the right thing. 

She shrugged, still too worked up to formulate a sentence. But she tried her best. “Sweet.” 

— 

Rey avoided the cafeteria altogether for the next two weeks. She ate in the women’s bathroom and stared at the stall door for thirty minutes, doing calculations in her head to occupy her brain. Sometimes she’d shimmy out to fill up her Hydroflask at the water fountain, but if she heard footsteps down the hall, she’d quite literally run away. 

Training went on as usual. She didn’t speak unless spoken to, and she never once ran into Kylo Ren. Poe didn’t bring the lunch incident up again. He typically ignored her unless they were partnered up, anyway. 

And then the language learning courses started. They were mostly self-taught, typically with a local adjunct professor on duty to help with pronunciation and spelling. 

“I’m here as a favor to your director, Snoke,” Kylo said. “I speak English and Russian fluently, and am hoping to bridge the gap between you and the Roscosmos team. The most proficient speakers will be recommended for the joint exploration venture to Mars. Five Russians and five Americans will eventually be chosen, though I’ve already been picked to represent Russia and man the mission. Only four of your Russian visitors will make the cut, whereas five slots are still open for American trainees.” 

Rey tried not to be nervous as he had all of the trainees stand and introduce themselves. 

Well, she tried not to be horrified. Nervous was a given. 

It took a while to start a sentence sometimes, especially if she’d been quiet for a while. “…H-hi, I’m Rey. M-most of you kno-know me. I’m 23 and have a-a master’s in Astrophysics. I’ll be going for my PhD when-when I’m d-done serving with NASA.” 

There were, of course, some snickers from a particular corner of the room. She didn’t have to look to see who it was. 

She sat down. Despite the laughter, she was pleased with herself. Kylo nodded and moved on to the next person. He didn’t even try to make smalltalk with her the way he did with everyone else, which she assumed was his olive branch for nearly giving her a heart attack two weeks ago. 

She didn’t know how she was going to avoid him now, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to be asking for help with language development. 

She listened intently for the rest of their training period—three hours for this block, and then she was free to go to her apartment and wallow in self-pity.

She was surprised when Kylo motioned for her to see him when language training was complete. She didn’t move, so he just stared her down until he noticed everyone had filed out, then shut the door behind him with a frown. 

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” He asked. He was approaching her seat now, and she could hear her heart beating in her ears. “Last week, I mean. Or was it two weeks ago? I haven’t seen you since…that one time.” He ran a hand through his hair. She could tell he was nervous, but she didn’t know why. “I’ve been meaning to apologize, Rey. I hope you haven’t been hiding from me.”

Of course she’d been hiding from him. 

“…No. I found a new place to eat lunch.” 

“Where? I’d like to have a proper conversation with you tomorrow.” 

Rey’s lip twitched while she thought of what to say. Certainly not ‘the ladies’ room.’ “Uh, m-my car.” 

“Your car?” Kylo winced. “Jesus, Rey. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I swear, I’m not a dick on purpose.” 

“Okay.” 

He sighed, leaning back against the desks behind him. “Would you like for me to leave you alone now?” 

Rey didn’t miss a beat, for once. “Yes.” 

“Okay, Rey. I’m sorry…again.” 

“…D-don’t worry about it.” He seemed sincere, which made Rey nervous, which made her typically mild stutter much more pronounced, which made her even more nervous. Vicious cycle. It didn’t matter, though. She was going to get a coherent thought out for the first time in a year if it killed her. “Seriously, it’s okay. I don’t talk much be-because of the stutter. It’s not normally that bad, especially if I’m talking for more than a few words. I also don’t have great social skills in the first place. K-kind of a math and science person, not a people person, I’ve got virtually no social skills. Nothing to do with you. Plus, you know, people aren’t that great to or for-for me. I never really know what they’re thinking.” 

Kylo blinked at her for a second. She wondered what she said wrong. _Probably everything. _

“You have a beautiful voice, Rey. I wish you’d use it more often.” He finally smiled again. She decided she liked that smile. 

He reached out a gloved hand for her to shake, and she hesitantly obliged. 

“I can’t wait to hear you speak Russian,” he admitted, eyes not leaving hers and fingers not budging. 

Every nervous tic hit her at once. She blinked at him, tapped her foot, felt her lip twitch and swallowed hard. For some reason he smiled wider, and she knew she was probably the color of the crimson stripes on his sweater at this point. 

“Please don’t make me talk during training,” she pleaded. Their fingers were still wrapped together for some reason, but she was too nervous to break it. Was this how long people usually shook hands? She avoided it, typically. She started counting back from ten in her head. Ten more seconds would be sufficient. She’d be able to break the contact in ten seconds. _Ten seconds._

“Then I’ll make you talk to me after training.” Kylo grinned. “Just to make sure your pronunciation is good. I need you to score very highly on the placement test.” 

He broke the handshake himself when she got to zero. 

She squeezed her fingers together, relishing their newfound freedom. “Why’s that?” 

“I want to take you to Mars.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short chapter to introduce Kylo’s pov of events in the first chapter/backstory 
> 
> the rest will mostly be from rey’s POV, but our sweet baby Kylo will make some more appearances :) 
> 
> now that this is done, i’m gonna go progress the plot lol

It was rare for Kylo to feel out of place, but Houston, Texas really did it for him for some reason. He’d visited New York and D.C. countless times in his youth, and several times in his adult life, but that did very little to prepare him for the great American South. Or was Texas considered the West? He had no idea, and no intention of asking. 

Where he expected to see large farms and cowboys, he saw desolate oil fields and sand. Lots and lots of sand. 

He was arriving two weeks later than the other Roscosmos trainees, since he was due to conduct a routine satellite launch. Not that the other trainees were very big fans. 

He was astronaut royalty. His mother, Leia Organa, was the first Russian woman on the moon. His father—though he was loathe to refer to the man as such—was an important American scientist, singlehandedly responsible for the possibility of space exploration. He’d figured out the key to sustaining the pressure of oxygen during the trip through the atmosphere. No amount of Russian or American propaganda could have kept his parents apart once they’d met, and they still appeared in the more scientific tabloids every now and then. 

He was a bit of a scandal himself, deciding to work for the Russian space program instead of America’s. But he was born in Russia, raised there, and he knew he’d never win the trust of American officials. He’d be doomed to a life with little to no security clearance, a ceremonial figure directing launches instead of exploring space. 

Thanks to Russia, he was the youngest man to ever set foot in the International Space Station at 24. He lived there for two years overall, and while he regretted the loss of muscle mass, it was the greatest and most rewarding experience of his life. 

As hard as Kylo worked, he could never shake the feeling that he was only successful thanks to his parents connections. And no one else around him could, either. 

That’s why all of the Roscosmos trainees hated him so much. He also had a bit of a temper, and a reputation for being an asshole, which didn’t help the “spoiled Space prince” vibes he seemed to exude everywhere he went. 

He couldn’t wait to get off of Earth again. To him, this was a planet that rejected him at every turn. Even his parentage was a challenge to overcome. 

Maker, he couldn’t fucking wait to go to _Mars_, even if that meant he risked dying on the way home. It might be better if he did, he thought, since nothing would ever top that experience, anyway. Not in his lifetime.

Two more years. That’s all it would take. They’d make their selections over the next few months and have a year and a half of strenuous training to get the qualified recruits up to speed. For now, he’d bridge the language gap between the “rival” programs under the tutelage of Director Snoke, an old family frenemy. 

He’d be a bit of a social pariah until the selection process was finally over. But he’d prove himself to be an excellent, if not demanding, captain to the recruits that mattered. 

His first real morning in the training center was uneventful, mostly boilerplate discussions and a metric shit ton of paperwork. He watched some of NASA’s trainees fly, too. Snoke let him know to keep a particularly watchful eye on Kaydel Connix and Poe Dameron, the most skillful pilots. Apparently he expected a young woman named Rey Kanata to drop out any day, so Kylo didn’t pay much attention to her flying. Some child prodigy and human calculator that was apparently better suited to a computer screen than a control center. He was glad to scratch a name off of the list this early, but he felt bad for this Rey girl. Space wasn’t for everyone, and Snoke _really_ didn’t believe it was for her. 

Bazine Netal, Finn Greene, and Rose Tico also seemed like skilled recruits. He watched their techniques carefully and recorded all the information in his ledger. 

When he finally got settled with lunch, he noticed a young woman with three precariously placed buns on the back of her head. It was a strange hairstyle, one that he’d never even seen in Europe. It must have been a way to avoid helmet hair during flying drills; genius. 

He felt nervous approaching this woman with strange hair. He knew she was American, but he defaulted to using Russian, anyway. Maybe that would impress her and break the ice and he wouldn’t have to worry about embarrassing himself. Western girls were suckers for Russian men, right? 

His initial greeting got him nowhere, so he tried again. He wished he never had when she finally turned around. 

She was fucking gorgeous. Freckled tan skin, beautiful hazel eyes, hair that somehow seemed both red and brown under the cafeteria’s fluorescent lighting. She was eating something homemade, a type of sandwich he didn’t immediately recognize. And best of all: she had absolutely, positively no clue who he was. 

They exchanged some kind of words. Kylo didn’t know, he was on autopilot while his heart pounded and he tried to get the word ‘soulmate’ out of his head. He felt impotent the moment their eyes met. 

“I am Kylo. And you?” He finally asked as he slipped into the seat beside her. 

She didn’t even turn to him when he sat down. She just said “Rey.” 

Ah. This was Rey Kanata, Snoke’s wayward ward. He should have stayed away, but something primal... probably chemical, honestly... made him want to know more about her.

But he had no idea what to say. 

“Not very talkative for an American,” Kylo finally grinned down at her. He didn’t know what he meant by that, but maybe she would. “Why are you eating alone?” 

“…I-I eat lunch alone every day.” 

It seemed like she was trying really hard to start her sentence, and she sighed like she was frustrated with herself. He watched her lip twitch. 

“Well, you’re not alone anymore.” Kylo grinned again Was she nervous? He hoped this beautiful, clearly out of his league in so many ways woman didn’t feel uncomfortable with him. He continued to ramble, just in case that might help. “I’m not one for talking, either, believe it or not.” 

“No, I don’t b-believe it.” 

Kylo couldn’t help but laugh at that. She was blunt, just like him. 

He wanted to break the ice a bit more, make her feel less nervous so she’d talk more. He could tell by her speech that she was anxious. 

“How old are you?” 

“Twenty-three.” 

_ Damn, that’s young. _

“How many years have you been training?” 

“One.” 

A little early for Snoke to make such a damning call on her abilities. 

Wait, wasn’t she a human calculator? 

“What’s 3,412 times 560?” 

“One-million-nine-hundred-ten-thousand-seven-hundred-twenty.” 

“No stutter on numbers,” Kylo noted with a nod of his head. This was an attempt to make light of her nervousness. 

But Kylo couldn’t help but notice the way her jaw dropped at this, which immediately sent him into a panic. 

She wasn’t stuttering because she was nervous. 

She just fucking stuttered. 

_ Kylo Ren, you absolute mother fucking piece of shit. _

He tried to think of something to diffuse the situation but all that came out of his mouth was, “calm down. It’s endearing.” 

Which was clearly the wrong thing to say. He watched a myriad of emotions flash over her eyes, least of all outrage. He wondered briefly if she might slap him. 

“F-f-fuck off.” 

Okay. She didn’t slap him so the conversation was still salvageable. He’d make a joke out of it and it would all be over. 

“Mm. Be still my beating heart.” 

She suddenly looked despondent. Not angry, not sad, just... empty. 

“D-did Bazi-Bazine put you up to this? Are you here to make fun of me?” 

“Uh… what?” Kylo asked carefully. No, he wasn’t making fun of her. Why would she think Bazine was putting him up to anything? He’d never even had a conversation with the woman. Anger flashed through him when he realized what was going on. “Are these NASA twats mean to you?”

“Yes.” 

“Oh.” 

The conversation didn’t last long after that. He’d clearly made her very uncomfortable, to the point that Poe Dameron made himself a human shield on her behalf. 

It honestly couldn’t have been worse. The most beautiful woman he’d ever seen was also a fucking math wizard astronaut with a beautiful, slightly British voice and the sweetest little stutter he’d ever heard. And he’d probably never hear it again, thanks to how much of an ass he’d made of himself. 

He muttered something about her being sweet and smart to Poe (smooth, Kylo, like he didn’t already know) and got out of the cafeteria as quickly as possible. 

So that’s why Snoke hated her. She came off as weak to him, and weakness was a first class ticket to exile as far as the director was concerned. 

The conversation plagued him for days. 

He would only eat in his office for the first week, and then he started feeling extreme dread when he realized the girl would be in his language training course. He had to apologize. So he waited for her in the cafeteria for a week. 

She never showed up. He resigned himself to begging for her forgiveness after the first language session. If he had to spend three hours with her every day, he wanted it to be pleasant. For both of them. 

That conversation didn’t really go as planned, either, but she finally spoke more than five words to him at least. Apparently she wasn’t mad, she just lacked social skills. 

So did he, apparently, when he declared his intentions to take her to Mars with him despite having very little say in the matter. 

He didn’t even wince at the hole he’d dug himself, because he’d honestly do anything to get her on that fucking spaceship with him for ten years. 

He was cursed the moment she’d absently blinked those beautiful hazel eyes at him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let’s get to know each other a bit before we start falling too hard, guys

The scariest thing about space travel is relying on others. 

When Rey imagines being trapped in a spacecraft with someone like Bazine, it gives her chills. Poe or Rose might not be so bad, but Bazine…hell. She’d do just about anything to avoid that. 

When Bazine ended up being in her randomly assigned language group, Rey decided to do something she’d never done: grovel. 

Kylo would understand. She would _make_ him understand. Nothing sounded worse to her than practicing a fucking _language_ with a woman who viewed her speech impediment as the funniest thing since the snake in a can prank. There was no reliable “HR” in this program, not that Rey would resort to that in the first place. Bazine was Snoke’s _angel_, and Rey would probably get the boot for suggesting that she’d broken protocol in any way. 

That’s how she found herself leaning against Kylo’s desk at the end of training, lacing and unlacing her fingers in time with the ticking of the clock on the wall. She hadn’t really had time to think, much less formulate a defense for her request. 

When Kylo returned to the room, he greeted her with a sloppy grin. 

“Privyet, Miss Kanata.” 

“Isn’t th-that k-kind of informal?” Rey asked quietly. 

He laughed, even though Rey wasn’t joking. She still hadn’t decided if she hated that or not. His laughter was in appreciation of her, and that was rare for Rey. 

“Yes, it is. Entirely inappropriate. I do apologize.” He flashed her that same wolfish grin as the first day they’d met. She caught a glimpse of his teeth. They were slightly crooked and imperfect, but somehow that worked in his favor. “To what do I owe the honor?” 

“…Honor?” 

“Yes. Honor.” Kylo brought his bottom lip between his teeth. “Why’d you wait up for me?” 

“Oh. S-sorry.” Rey nodded, letting her firmly clasped fingers fall to her hips now. “Um...B-Bazine Netal is in-in my group. Sh-she’s… I mean, don’t s-say anything, b-but she’s…” 

“Kind of a bitch?” Kylo supplied. 

Rey nodded sheepishly. She usually hated that word, but it was more than appropriate here. “Y-yeah. To me. And-and I was w-wondering if I c-could switch.” 

“Snoke designed the groups. I’d have to ask him.” 

Rey’s eyes widened, and she swore her heart was threatening to jump out of her throat. All of her steel resolve from earlier disappeared. 

“Never mind.” 

The most important thing about space was getting along with the team. Bickering or being easy to anger while trapped with 10 people in a 600 square foot box was just not plausible. 

That old fucker did this on purpose. Rey knew it. He wanted to make Rey seem incorrigible, deem her too difficult to work with. She’d just have to put up with it, stay positive, and stay out of trouble if she ever wanted to make it beyond the Ozone, much less the Space Station. 

She unclasped her fingers and brought them up to grip at her book bag straps. 

“Thank you, Kylo. Sorry to have bothered you.” Rey blinked at him for a moment, then added, “H-have a great night.” 

Neither of them moved. Kylo was staring down at her so intently that she thought she might burst into flames. She broke eye contact and stared at the wall while a blush worked its way across her cheeks.

She wasn’t used to being looked at so fiercely. And what Kylo did wasn’t looking, really. He was studying her. She could feel him memorizing her soft and hard lines, like he was going to use them against her later. Every time their eyes met, even during training, it was like he was trying to bore into her very psyche. For someone who had spent years building strong walls, she was unnerved by the idea of him figuring out how to burst right through them. 

Maybe Russians were just intense by nature. 

Kylo was the one to break the silence, as usual. “Do you want to get a drink?” 

Rey’s brows furrowed. “I d-don’t drink.” 

“Coffee, then?” 

“Won’t sleep tonight.”

Kylo’s expression was slowly devolving from wolfish to panicked. “Dinner?”

A well-timed growl from Rey’s stomach betrayed her, so she had no choice but to nod. “Sure. Dinner.” 

He seemed relieved, if not excited, and Rey didn’t know why. The idea of going out with a random, beautiful Russian man on a Friday night was daunting, to say the least. Going out with her was probably less intimidating, she surmised. She was the least threatening woman at NASA. 

“Wh-what are you in the mood for?” Rey managed. 

“Eh.” Kylo shrugged. “I’ve eaten out every day since I got here. I’d kill for something home-cooked, or close to it.” 

“W-well I wouldn’t know where to get that. I’m the takeout queen.” 

Kylo raised an eyebrow. “Takeout is so bad for you. Don’t you know how to cook?”

“You’re the one who suggested eating out!” Rey huffed. She was in no mood to be scrutinized for her eating habits, especially considering how fit she had to be to even stand in this room. “I’ll just go home and clog my arteries without you.” 

“I can’t allow that, Rey. I’m supposed to prepare you for Mars, not a buffet.” 

The smirk on his face was almost enough to earn him a slap. Almost. 

Instead, Rey’s eyes narrowed. “J-just say what-what you’re thinking already.” 

“Come over. I’ll cook you something. Hell, even pasta would be better for you than what you’re probably planning.” 

Rey’s lip twitched, and her foot tapped, and her eyes widened, and her hands squeezed into fists at her sides. The icing on the cake was the blush that spread from her hairline to her collarbone. 

“C-come over?” She blinked. “Like... to y-your house?” 

Kylo stared down at her with a hum. “Well, it’s more of an apartment. But yeah, that’s the idea.” 

“Uh... is that-that allowed?” 

“Yep, it’s allowed.” Kylo chuckled. “Who cares, anyway?” 

“W-won’t that give people the wrong idea?” 

“Rey,” he frowned at her. She hated his frown, it felt so patronizing. “You know trainees hang out with each other outside of HQ, right? I’m not in any real position of authority over you. It’s a friendly dinner, there’s nothing to be worried about.” 

All of the red disappeared from Rey’s complexion. She looked flushed instead now. 

“I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t presuming it w-was more than friendly,” she tripped over just about every word and took in a deep breath to steel herself. “J-just... you’re really the only p-person I talk to here, I don’t want to jeopardize it.” 

Kylo reached out his hand and patted her shoulder. She wasn’t sure if she was being pitied or comforted, but it didn’t matter. The gesture felt the same either way. 

“Rey, I don’t give a fuck what people think. At all. And if they think I somehow scored _you_...” he licked his bottom lip, letting his gaze run slowly from her eyes to her feet and back. “Well, that would be a compliment.” 

The blush came back full force. Was he... hitting on her? She couldn’t tell if he was interested in her or if he just felt bad for the stuttering outcast. She knew she wasn’t hideous, not by any means, but landing her wouldn’t be a win. She would never impress parents or friends, and she could hardly even meet his eye without blushing. 

He was handsome. She wasn’t blind. Poe was handsome, too, but he never made her blush. Rey had taken her own personal vow of emotional celibacy when she was fourteen. She swore that solitude was best for her, isolation was protection, no man or woman would ever break down these walls. 

But something about Kylo Ren... 

Maybe it was the Russian thing. _Definitely just the Russian thing._

“N-no, it wouldn’t,” she smiled up at him. “But thank you. I suppose I can allow you to c-cook me some spaghetti. Just th-this once.” 

Kylo was practically beaming, which made Rey feel slightly more comfortable about accepting his offer. 

Maybe having a handsome friend in the program wasn’t such a bad idea. 

— 

Kylo’s apartment was... monochrome. That was the first thing she noticed. 

The second thing she noticed was the amount of historic space paraphernalia on the walls. Posters, mounted figurines, autographed portraits of what she assumed were first generation Russian astronauts, and detailed maps of planets. Everywhere. 

It made her feel strange. There was nothing on her walls, she never had any inclination to make her apartment a home. 

His kitchen was fully stocked, right down to a fucking chrome Kitchen Aid on the counter. She wondered how often he must cook for all of this—if what he said about eating out every night was true, this setup was kind of overkill. 

“W-well,” she smiled shyly when he opened the fridge. She couldn’t see inside, but she had a feeling it was as well stocked as the rest of the kitchen. “M-my kitchen f-feels woefully inadequate now.” 

He emerged with an armful of vegetables and a grin. “The kitchen is the heart of the home, Rey.” 

She watched him pull out two different knives and a cutting board. He made quick work of the onions and tomatoes after that. He seemed so skillful, it was hard not to gawk. 

“Th-that’s the problem, I think. M-my apartment is not a home.” 

Kylo hummed thoughtfully. He was tossing handfuls of vegetables into a pan. 

“As sad as that was, I promise I’m only crying because of the onions,” he chuckled. Rey couldn’t help but chuckle, too. “What is home to you, Rey?” 

Rey shrugged. “A galaxy far, far away.” 

“Nice.” Kylo was pretty far himself, filling up a pot of water to boil noodles. “Think you’ll ever make it there?” 

“Not in this lifetime. C-can I help you with anything?” 

“Do you know how to chop vegetables?”

“...no.” 

Kylo laughed, again, like she’d made a joke. “I’ll teach you, next time. Spaghetti is easy, so I’m not worried about having extra hands tonight.” 

“I-I’m looking forward to it,” Rey smiled. “I’m also looking f-forward to this. It already smells so good.” 

She looked up and noticed a blush on Kylo’s face. He must have been proud of his cooking skills, especially if he was so eager to share them with a nobody like her. 

Dinner was ready in less than thirty minutes. The intoxicating smell had nothing on the taste. One bite took away all of her usual inhibitions. 

“Holy fuck. Can you c-cook this for me every night?” 

Kylo blushed again and scooped a forkful into his mouth. “I think you’d get bored of it quickly.”

“D-doubt it.” Rey shook her head and continued devouring pasta like an animal. 

“Hmm. I’d like to cook you different things, anyway. Next time we’ll take our time.” 

He smiled at her. No grin, no smirk, no hunger in his eyes. Just a genuine smile that made her chest feel full. 

“Why are you here, K-Kylo? Why did you choose th-this life?” She poked her fork into the last of her noodles and sat back, fully sated. 

“You could say I was born into it,” Kylo shrugged. He leaned back in his chair and watched her face carefully. “But you might be wrong. It would have been my calling either way. I’ve been up there four times for six months stints. It never ceases to amaze me, it never stops feeling surreal. And now I get to dedicate a ridiculous portion my life to an exploration mission that’s the first of its kind, one that will help future generations explore even further. I’m lucky. I’m grateful.” 

He cleared his throat. “What about you?” 

Rey didn’t know what to say. Her draw to space wasn’t quite so poetic... in fact, she’d chosen the career before she’d discovered the passion. 

“I was drawn to-to the solitude. Of sp-space. But n-now I realize how awfully crowded it’s going to be.” 

She sunk back even further and looked away. That probably wasn’t the best answer, but she didn’t want to go to Mars, anyway. She just wanted to see the ISS. One stint would be sufficient. 

Kylo nodded, smiling like she’d taken the thought directly out of his head. “I’m not much for people, either, Rey. I understand. But being out there... it’s worth it. Hell, the bragging rights alone are worth it. The feeling you get in your stomach when you breach the atmosphere... it’s just...” he sighed. “Unimaginable. I want that for you, Rey. You deserve that.” 

“Why do you think I deserve it?” 

“Because you _want_ it. And you deserve everything you want.” 

Rey didn’t respond—she just blushed, letting her eyes travel down to her lap. 

Kylo chuckled. “See? The fact that you think you don’t deserve what you want proves to me that you do.” He shook his head and stood up to clear the table. 

“Space is so pure. Untainted by anything but our garbage satellites. Only the best should ever breach the atmosphere. And you...I could just tell, from the moment I met you, Rey. You’re the best.” 

Rey couldn’t help the tears pooling in the corners of her eyes at that. She also couldn’t bear to meet his gaze, much less say anything even remotely coherent. 

But he didn’t mind. He never expected her to fill in the gaps, he was perfectly content with “oh”s and “okay”s and awkward silences. Perfectly content with her, as she was, no pretense. 

“So, Miss Kenobi. You wanna watch a movie, or are you ready for me to walk you home?”


	4. Chapter 4

“A movie?” 

Rey bore that beautiful hazel gaze directly into Kylo’s eyes. He’d been blushing like a child all night, but now he was possessed with a sudden aura of confidence. 

Kylo cleared his throat and nodded down at her. “Or I can go ahead and walk you home. But since it’s barely 8…” 

“Shit, it’s already th-that late?” Rey threw her fingers into her pocket and brought out her phone. She was squinting at the screen for some sort of reassurance… 

“Late, huh?” Kylo was confused, but he tried not to let it show on his face. “Eight is late for you?” 

“I’m a f-f-fucking astronaut, Kylo. I have to f-f-fucking work out in the morning.” Rey huffed. Her gaze was slightly icier now, but Kylo surmised that this was a result of the time and had little to do with him. 

The sound of her exaggerating stutter on the f word shouldn’t have made him shift his posture and nibble at his bottom lip, but Maker, what this woman was capable of doing to him already. 

“I won’t tell if you don’t,” Kylo chuckled. He pressed his thumb against her bottom lip so she couldn’t protest. Really, he just needed _immediate_ confirmation that her lips were as soft as he’d imagined. They were. He wondered, briefly, if he was lucky enough for her to be untouched for him—

“Wh-what are you doing?” Rey asked from behind his thumb. She made no effort to move his hand, and he just stood there, staring blankly down at her. The pink on her cheeks made every freckle stand out against her tan skin, and he found himself mapping out the stars in them. 

“You’ve got little constellations on your cheeks. Like it was intentional,” he muttered, brows furrowing as he studied her closer. “Lyra, Cassiopeia. Are your freckles real?” 

“Yes, they’re real.” Rey’s face grew hot, he could feel it from the limited amount of contact his hand had with her chin. 

He was usually much better with women, but this one…

Something about the way she’d begged him to cook for her every night had emboldened him. Now, something about how she didn’t shy away from his touch made him feel bashful. His cheeks reciprocated the heat on hers when their eyes met. 

“Kylo,” Rey murmured, stepping backwards a bit. 

“Ben.” His hand fell to his side and he shook his head. “Call me Ben.” 

For some reason, the corners of her lips turned up into a smile. 

“What?” He demanded, almost too sheepishly. 

“Nothing. I just…” Rey looked down and giggled. “Ben Ren?” 

“No, Ren is…it’s just a pen name, I guess. Separates me from my heritage, if that makes sense.”

“That makes sense,” Rey murmured. Her blush had all but disappeared, but he could still sense some hesitation in her eyes. 

He thought for a moment that it was the stutter that did him in, then her hazel gaze, or the bashful way she hid her face when he locked eyes with her during training. Was it when she ate his cooking? Or was it just now, when he’d noticed the stars etched on her cheeks, across her nose? 

Kylo was no stranger to obsession or possessive tendencies. He knew he wanted to at least have this woman from their first off-putting conversation.

He knew he wanted to conquer her when she successfully made him feel like an ass, made him _wait_ for a week just to have the pleasure of _begging_ for her forgiveness. She was unlike anyone he’d ever met, all self-erected brick walls and fierce grit and determination. 

He didn’t know that he was capable of feeling butterflies. He didn’t know that the simple act of touching a woman’s lip could feel so ridiculously intimate. He didn’t know he could be reduced to a blinking, shaking mess by a woman who, by her own admission, had no social skills or desire to hone them. 

“What’s your real last name, Ben?” Rey asked softly. The question broke him out of his silent reverie. 

He brought his plush bottom lip back between his teeth. “Solo. My real name is Ben Solo.” 

_ Rey Solo. Sounds so fucking good. _

“What’s your favorite m-movie?” She asked, plopping back onto his couch. The black leather was so soft it practically enveloped her body, and he hardly knew how to react to the little giggle that realization elicited from her.

_So pure._

“Gattaca. No doubt.” Kylo plopped down at a respectful distance beside her. 

She hummed, thoughtfully, beside him and folded her little hands into her lap. She was trying to be respectful of him, too, he realized. 

“I-I’ve never seen it.” 

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Kylo grinned. “Wanna fix that problem now?” 

She nodded, and when he reached for the remote, he inched slightly closer to her. Just close enough that if she needed to go to sleep, she could do it comfortably in his lap. He was a gentleman, after all. 

—

The movie ended with absolutely no shared physical contact, much to Kylo’s chagrin. 

Rey seemed devoted to the task of absorbing every second of his favorite movie. Her arms were crossed by the end, and she was squinting at the screen intently. 

“So,” he cleared his throat. Sitting in relative silence for two hours was intense, even for him. “What did you think?” 

“It was certainly spirited,” she hummed. “I c-can’t tell if I love it or hate it. I think I identified with-with the lead a little too much.” 

“How so?” Kylo let one of his long arms drape over the back of the couch as casually as possible, so her head was resting against the crook of it. He hadn’t been this shy about touching someone since fucking high school. 

She smirked and turned to face him. Her legs were drawn under her, criss-crossed on the couch cushion, and she spoke animatedly. 

“W-well. Okay, he’s not perfect. A-and his parents—n-never good enough, n-never like the brother. I j-just—I’m n-not perfect. Everyone thi-thinks my stutter should keep me out of space, right? That be-because I’m too quiet or off-putting or whatever it is, I’m too weak. But I’m n-not weak, I’m constantly wearing a mask of learned bashfulness, it feels like, b-but I’m actually very strong. I work my ass off for everything I have.”

She hummed again. “You remind me of Irene, I suppose. Y-you’re perfect, and y-you know I’m not perfect, but y-you still think I deserve it as much as you do. Space, I mean. S-so that works for me. But I have to be honest, I f-f-fucking hate the ending.” 

He chuckled for a minute, taking extra time to memorize every word she’d just said. Great, she knew at least some of her worth. It would probably only take fifty years to get her to realize how great she was, and not a century like he’d originally believed. 

“I think you’re perfect, even if you’re quiet,” he smiled. “You don’t say anything unless you have something useful to add. So content with silence, so content with yourself.”

“No,” Rey shook her head. Her blush was back, so his eyes were locked back onto her newly prominent freckles. “I’m only really content w-with silence. It means I don’t have to worry about myself.” 

“I’ll get you there,” Kylo murmured. He silently cursed himself for using up his excuse to touch her face earlier—this would have been a lot more meaningful. Instead, he scooted a little bit closer to her and let his arm drop from the couch to her shoulders. 

“Kylo,” she whispered, almost reverently. Her cheeks were burning now, he could _feel_ it, and all he wanted to do was get lost in those beautiful freckles and those perfect, soft lips. After nearly a month of waiting, here she was, on his couch. The thought made his free hand shake. 

“Da, zvezda moya?” 

She frowned. “I’m n-not that advanced.”

_Thank God._

“I basically just said… yeah, what’s wrong?” Kylo lied, then cleared his throat and scooted closer, as nonchalantly as he could. 

“I-I think it’s time for me t-to go home.” 

He looked over at the clock on the wall, which read 10:30. He couldn’t very well offer for her to stay over. Not yet. 

“Can I walk you?” 

“N-no…probably better that you don’t. People might get the wrong idea, I live near the other trainees—“ 

“Why are you so convinced it’s the wrong idea?” Kylo blurted, brows furrowing. Was she embarrassed of him? 

“Wh-what?” He watched her lip twitch, then her eyebrow, and then her nose. 

“What is the idea you’re so worried about people getting?” He asked, more forcefully this time. 

“Oh,” Rey jerked her gaze away from him and folded and unfolded her hands in her lap. “I-I don’t know.” 

His brows furrowed even deeper, if that was even possible. “Clearly it’s something. Tell me.” 

“It-it would just be bad for your reputation, being s-seen with me, people would think I’m…” she bit her lip, hard. “Th-they would think less of you, like you’re desperate, even if we’re j-just friends.” 

“Why do you think that?” Kylo’s eyes narrowed down at her, and he watched her squirm a bit. He wasn’t mad at her. Couldn’t be, honestly. But the fact that she even thought it would be a detriment to his reputation for him to be seen with her… 

She didn’t say anything. 

“Rey,” he warned, watching her tics start all over again. A twitching lip, her ankle rotated, she tapped her knees impatiently and even coughed. “Tell me why you think that.” 

“I’m just a nobody.” She shrugged and looked away, fingers playing restlessly with the frayed edges of her shirt. 

“Not to me.” Kylo shook his head vehemently and fought the urge to bring her to him. 

“Why?” She whispered into her lap, voice hardly audible. 

“Look at me, Rey.” Kylo sighed, deeply, willing her to actually glance up. If she would just _look_ at him she’d understand that she’d plagued his every waking thought since they’d first interacted. Even if he couldn’t answer _why_ in words, she’d get what she needed to know from this glance. “Look at me, solnyshko.” 

She shook her head, blushed cheeks orienting themselves towards the wall in the other direction now. “I need to go…” 

“Okay,” he relented, letting his own gaze travel to the wall. “When will I see you again?” 

“On Monday, I guess.” She dusted off her knees and stood up. “Or Tuesday, depending on which training schedule we’re on.”

There was no way she realized how brutally she was rejecting him, but it still left him with an aching in his chest. 

He walked her to the door, giving her one last lingering gaze before she waved half-heartedly and started walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the spacey terms of endearment kylo's using here: 
> 
> da, zvezda moya: yes, my star?
> 
> solnyshko: little sun
> 
> since i can't help but make him entirely too intense lmaooo


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me so long! i had a month long break between jobs, but i'm back at work again, so i'll only be doing weekend updates on a regular basis. sometimes you'll catch me here on a weekday, though. i can't keep myself from you guys. :-) 
> 
> extra long chapter (by klutzybriefing standards) to make up for the wait. hope you guys like it!
> 
> WARNING FOR EXTREMELY INTENSE KYLO REN LMAO  
but that's what we're all here for anyway right 
> 
> sorry rey

Kylo sat at his desk, head buried deep into crossed arms. An outsider looking in might think he was sleeping, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. 

He was stressing. 

Since walking Rey home on Friday night, he’d only had one thing on his mind: getting her back in his apartment. He’d even brought her some leftover spaghetti for lunch today, on the off-chance that he’d actually run into her at some point. 

He tried to imagine how the conversation would go if that actually happened. _ Ha ha, here’s some spaghetti. Come back and I’ll cook you something else. By the way I’m a big creep and I haven’t stopped thinking about you for 48 hours, not even sure why, you clearly want nothing to do with me. See you at language training!_

He released a sigh onto the cool, glass top of his desk and sat up, fingers immediately working against his temples to alleviate an oncoming stress headache. He’d been sitting in his office for almost forty-five minutes and hadn’t even bothered to open his laptop yet. 

Kylo had a ridiculous amount of work to do, _Roscosmos work_, including filings and documentation and responding to prominent governmental figures. Things that couldn’t wait until tomorrow or the next day or the weekend, or whenever he finally got Rey off his mind. He needed to focus now, and stress later. 

Unfortunately, fate had different goals in mind, and presented these to him in the form of Poe Dameron leaning against the doorframe of his office. Kylo hadn’t even heard the knob turn, and he wondered briefly how long the man had been standing there. 

“Long weekend?” Poe finally asked. He sat down as if finally meeting Kylo’s gaze was an invitation to make himself comfortable. 

“Not long enough, honestly,” Kylo cleared his throat and straightened up. “Need some help?” 

Poe shook his head. “Nah, boss. Just checking in. Thought we could benefit from a little bit of male bonding.” 

“Male bonding?” Kylo repeated. He raised an eyebrow, and Poe laughed. 

“Sure. ‘Bro talk.’ Can’t translate that to Russian yet, sorry man.”

“No, I understand what you’re saying. Just not sure what prompted this.” Kylo busied himself by running a hand through his hair. “Got something on your mind?” 

“A few things. Guess I’ll just come out and ask,” Poe straightened and crossed his arms over his chest, then cracked a grin. “How far did you get with Rey on Friday? Always thought she was too uptight to date a coworker.” 

“Um…” Kylo blinked for a moment. He could tell the look on his face was souring, betraying at least some of the rage he felt building up in the back of his neck. “We just had dinner. I, uh… how did you even know about that?” 

“We live in the same complex. Saw you walking her home at like… eleven or something.” Poe was still grinning. Kylo wanted nothing more than to knock every single perfect tooth out of his mouth. “Pretty late by Rey’s standards, all things considered. So first base? Second? Home run?” 

Poe winked, and Kylo had no idea how he possibly resisted the overwhelming urge to flip his fucking desk over. 

Suddenly Rey’s protestations about people ‘getting the wrong idea’ were starting to make sense. He just assumed the Americans would think they were dating, not casually fucking. He needed to fix this situation before it got back to his sweet, innocent Rey. He didn’t want her stressed out because he was too pigheaded and prideful to listen to her (apparently very valid) reasoning. 

“I didn’t touch her.” Kylo maintained a mostly straight face, somehow. “All we did was eat dinner and watch a movie, though it’s really none of your business.” 

“Nice.” Poe’s grin fell into a smug smirk. “Honestly, I’m relieved to hear that. Rey’s _very_ special. Meek and unassuming in all the right ways, but a little too quiet to read. I’ve had my eye on her for a while, if you’ll believe it. Wouldn’t want you to corrupt her before I get the chance.” 

Poe stood, as if he knew Kylo was about to jump over his desk and strangle him. He probably had an idea—murderous intent was etched across all of Kylo’s features now, from his face to his hands, which were closed so tightly that his knuckles were a bright white. 

“You’re actually too late,” Kylo blurted through a clenched jaw. He had to fix this. He had to protect Rey, or at least keep Poe away from her long enough to get to her first. “Sorry, _man_. Rey and I are together, just taking it slow. I’ll let her know she’s on your mind, though.” 

“Is th-this a bad time?” 

Kylo and Poe both jerked their heads towards the door. They seemed equally surprised to see Rey standing there, folding and unfolding her hands absentmindedly with a slight frown on her face. She was wearing Kylo’s scarf, which he’d intentionally neglected to ask for when he’d dropped her off on Friday. 

Poe was the first to speak, of course. “I was just leaving; needed some help with Russian greetings.” 

Poe bent over and grabbed his bag off the floor, shooting Kylo a disbelieving look before redirecting his gaze to Rey. “You’re so lucky to be dating the Russian expert, Rey. You can practice whenever you want!” 

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Kylo’s heart was pounding so loudly that he didn’t even hear what Rey said next, but apparently it was enough to get Poe out of there. As soon as he was out of the door, Kylo rushed to it, practically slamming it shut and turning the lock before he dared to make eye contact with Rey. 

She was just standing and blinking and _studying_ him. There was a slight blush on her cheeks, enough that he could _really_ focus on her freckles if he needed to. 

“I t-told you they’d get the wrong idea,” Rey finally sighed, letting herself fall back into the same chair Poe had been occupying. “I should have just called an Uber or something.” 

_Oh, sweetheart. You don’t even know._

“Don’t even worry about it,” Kylo responded frantically. He knew he was too eager to change what was likely a very important subject, but he couldn’t help it. The whole situation was just too awkward, even for him. “Er… need any help?”

“Oh! Y-yeah, I was here for a reason,” Rey chuckled nervously. She raised her hands up to her neck and tugged Kylo’s scarf off, holding it out to him with a small, appreciative smile. “T-totally spaced out on giving this b-back on Friday.” 

“Oh. Yeah, thanks,” he nodded. He grabbed the scarf and tossed it onto his desk unceremoniously, which prompted another frown from Rey. 

“W-well, I’ll see you during training, I g-guess.” 

She stood up and made to leave, but Kylo was inadvertently blocking the door. 

He blanked for a second, then somehow found his voice again. “Uh… you can sit back down. No need to leave. I need to talk to you anyway.”

“Oh.” Her frown deepened, and it felt like a stab to Kylo’s heart. She sat back down with a _plop_. “D-did I get you in trouble?” 

“No, no, it’s nothing like that,” he swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing nervously. “I just…uh. I brought you some leftovers. I’m not going to eat them, and you seemed to like the spaghetti so much—“ 

“Wow, thank you so much!” Rey cut him off. She was grinning. Really, really grinning; it was the most genuine expression of happiness he’d seen on her in the last month or so. “Y-you know I wasn’t kidding when-when I said you needed to cook for me every night.” 

Could she really be so appreciative over leftovers? Everything about her was so humble and sweet. 

“Can I?” Kylo asked quietly. “Not every night, realistically, but tonight, at least.” 

“I c-couldn’t possibly put you out like that so s-soon, you’ve already done so-so much—“ 

_Please put me out. I’d cut off my thumbs if it would make you smile like that again._

“It’s no trouble!” Kylo countered, then cleared his throat to calm himself down. “Er…I enjoy your company. And it’s lonely, you know, being in a new country. I don’t know anyone but Snoke, and he certainly isn’t interested in my meager pasta making skills.” 

He offered her a smile, and she returned it with her own. 

“Th-then I’d love to.” She beamed, eyes never leaving his. 

He wondered briefly if he was lucky enough for her to reciprocate even one percent of the feelings he’d developed for her since their first horrible encounter. This conversation was certainly going better than he’d imagined it would. 

“Wait for me after class?” 

“Of course.” She nodded, then winced slightly. “I d-don’t think this w-will do much to squash those dating rumors. S-sorry about that. I’ll set them-them straight.” 

_Please don’t. I’m lucky to breathe the same air as you._

“Is it really so embarrassing that they think you’re dating me?” He smirked playfully. “It wouldn’t ruin your reputation _that_ much.” 

Too obvious? Definitely. He didn’t care. His eyes were studying hers, waiting for her to betray even an ounce of feeling. 

“Oh! N-no, Kylo, I ac-actually think it would help my reputation,” she chuckled and relaxed into the seat. _Good._ She was finally getting comfortable around him. “I’m only worried about yours.” 

“I told you two things on Friday,” Kylo grinned. “The first was to call me Ben, when we’re alone, at least. The other was that it would be a compliment to have them think I could land someone like you. Remember?” 

Rey was still smiling, but he noticed a flash of either worry or hesitation flash over her eyes. Her lip twitched a bit, and she hesitated to respond. 

“S-sure. Poe’s my f-friend though, so I think h-he should at least know the truth.” She folded her hands over her lap and smiled sweetly. “I-I guess you’re my friend, too, now. Feels really good to have more th-than one here.” 

_Oh no._ Rey clearly had no idea how men like Poe worked; it would be sweet if Poe wasn’t so obviously a creep. Was it really his place to correct her, though? He doubted it, especially if doing so would hurt her feelings, or worse… make her frown again. 

Instead of bashing Poe, he just nodded and smiled. 

He’d tell her everything else that night. 

— 

The entire walk to Kylo’s apartment had Rey on edge, even though she was excited. 

She had no idea that he’d invite her back over again so soon. She also had no idea that she’d have zero reservations accepting that offer, going so far as declaring their friendship in the process. 

She’d be lying to herself if she said she hadn’t thought about him in a more than friendly way over the last few days. He was perfect and kind and intense and intelligent and _huge_, everything that Rey wanted in the hypothetical man she’d been dreaming of since she hit puberty. 

The only difference was that Kylo Ren—no, _Ben Solo_, she reminded herself—was completely unattainable. It would only hurt her to get attached to him in any way, even as friends who occasionally eat dinner together. He’d be on a spaceship for ten years in less than two, one that she already knew Snoke wouldn’t let her on. 

Not that Ben would ever actually want to get attached to someone like her. She still wasn’t entirely convinced that their current relationship wasn’t born of pity, but he seemed to be genuinely interested in being friends now. 

Bazine would probably be the one that got to spend the decade with tall, pale and handsome Ben Solo. 

For some reason, the thought made her heart skip a beat and her breath hitch. 

Ben must have sensed her trepidation, because he shot her a concerned look. She just smiled in return, which seemed to sate him. 

“So,” Kylo began when they finally made it inside. “Poe Dameron, huh? How long have you been friends?” 

He motioned for her to sit down. She obliged, sinking into the plush, comfortable cushions with a satisfied hum. He didn’t sit down beside her this time, though. 

“Hm. A year and a half?” Rey hummed again. “Not that long, b-but he’s the only one th-that’s nice to me here.” 

“Strange that you’d choose ‘nice’ as a descriptor for Poe Dameron.” Ben crossed his arms and stared down at her. “He doesn’t seem very nice to me.” 

“Oh. O-okay.” Rey felt her lip twitch. “H-he is nice. To me. M-maybe not to other p-people. I think he f-feels bad for me, since I’m quiet an-and talking comes so easily to him.” 

Ben sighed. She watched him reach up and pinch the bridge of his nose. He seemed frustrated at something. Her, maybe? But he’d been fine five minutes ago. 

Her heart started thumping so hard, she was sure he could hear it. “Wh-why do you ask?” 

“I think he’s into you.” Ben nibbled at his plush bottom lip for a minute, then shrugged. “Actually, I know he’s into you.” 

Rey couldn’t have possibly fought the blush that assaulted her from her forehead to her neck. She swallowed, hard, then shook her head profusely. 

“Th-that’s definitely not the case, Ben.”

“Yeah it is. Not that I’m shocked or anything, I kind of assumed he was when he sandwiched himself between us when we met.”

“…okay.” Rey had no idea where this was heading, but she already knew she didn’t like it. 

“Just…you said he was your friend earlier. He wants a little more than that. Okay? I thought you should know.” 

Rey didn’t say anything, because there was nothing to say. The thought of a man ever being interested in her outside of teasing or platonic friendships was just…no. Wrong. Not someone that had ever heard her open her mouth, at least. 

“I don’t want him to take advantage of your kindness or trust. You’re just…” he stopped and sighed before finally sitting down beside her. “You’re a very beautiful girl, you know? And if you give creeps like him a centimeter, they’ll take a kilometer. Not that this is your fault. You can’t help that you’re attractive. Uh…I wouldn’t want you to help that. You’re very pleasant to look at. You’re more than that, too, though, I mean, I would never reduce you to your looks. You’re beyond smart, and sweet…and kind. I don’t think you have a mean bone in your body. And you’re honest, too, and I’ve said this before but you never open your mouth if there’s nothing valuable to say. It’s so refreshing to be around you.” 

“Wh-why are you saying this?” Rey frowned at him. She could feel tears prickling in the corners of her eyes, but she didn’t really understand why. She should have been elated to hear that he thought she was beautiful alongside all of the other compliments he’d paid her, but in reality she was overwhelmingly put off by the fact that he thought she was some meek creature he needed to step in and protect. He hardly knew her. 

Kylo had the audacity to groan at her, like _he_ was the one with any right to be frustrated. 

“He’s a fucking predator, Rey.” 

“How do y-you know?” She asked, eyes narrowed. She was so angry at him now, she could hardly even speak coherently. “I’m supposed t-to just believe you wh-when you say someone I’ve kn-known for almost two years is-is just out to get in m-my pants? A-and I won’t even b-bother to get into how f-f-fucking offensive th-that is to hear. I-is this the-the only reason you invited me over?!” 

“Fuck. No, that’s not why I invited you over,” he groaned again, into his palm this time. He stood up and started pacing around the living room with his fingers fixed on the bridge of his nose. 

“I shouldn’t have said anything. _Fuck_. I should have just snapped his fucking neck for having the audacity to say jack shit about you. Ever.” 

Rey’s heart started pounding even harder. Poe must have said something pretty horrible to make Kylo, the gentlest human being she’d ever known, react like this. Or maybe she just didn’t know Kylo as well as she thought she did. Either way, she was starting to feel more uncomfortable as the seconds ticked by. 

“I-is this what I walked into in the office today?” She asked, blankly staring at the huge, scary, pacing man before her.

“Yes.” Kylo quit stomping and clenched his fists by his sides. “He’s a presumptuous little twat.” 

_Jesus_, she thought, cheeks getting pink again. She could feel the heat emanating from her face now. The room had seemed tense when she walked in, but she would have never guessed that she was the reason for it. 

“Okay.” 

“I’m sorry, Rey. Fuck. I’m sorry.” 

“...It’s okay.” 

He huffed and plopped back down beside her. “I don’t want to think about Poe again tonight. Okay? I just needed to warn you.” He shot her a tiny smile, but she could tell he was forcing it. “It’s what friends do.” 

Rey wasn’t entirely convinced that friends would react like this, but she also didn’t want to press the issue. 

He was staring down at her now, so intently that it made her stomach feel warm. 

_No,_ she reminded herself. He was off limits, for her own sake. 

“Anyway,” he started again. He lifted a hand to scratch at the back of his neck. “I promised to teach you how to chop vegetables, right?” 

Rey couldn’t help the chuckle that shot from her throat. This was all uncharted territory for her, and while she wanted to continue being angry and uncomfortable, she also wanted to eat. 

“...Right.”

— 

Kylo felt like an idiot. Truly. Rey was distant as she chopped, and not nearly as comfortable around him as she’d been even ten hours ago. He shouldn’t have even said anything about Poe. He meant to share his own feelings, honestly. But as they’d walked, he had time to really think about what that sniveling little asshole had said about Rey. _His_ Rey. Well, not yet, but soon. 

The more he’d dwelled on it, the more he’d wanted to make Rey understand how gross Poe was. How important it was that she stay away from him, never let herself be alone with him, never trust him. 

Boy, had that backfired. He should have just told her how he felt. If he tried to do it now, she’d just think he was jealous or possessive. 

Not that he wasn’t very much both of those things. Also obsessive, clearly. But he didn’t want Rey to know that. 

“Sorry for freaking out earlier,” he grumbled into the pot he was stirring. She hadn’t said much yet, and he was desperate to get things back on track. “I’ve been stressed. Lots of work to do, very little time to do it. Kind of flew off the handle over something innocuous.” 

“Thank you for apologizing,” Rey murmured back. She was concentrating hard on the vegetables, and Kylo realized that she very rarely stuttered when she was focused. “We’re all stressed, so I get it. Sixty hour training weeks aren’t fun for anyone.” 

Kylo nodded in response, even though he knew she wasn’t looking. 

“What’s your favorite movie?” He finally asked after five more minutes of companionable silence. 

“Oh. Uh...” Rey handed him a bowl of chopped onions, then leaned her back onto the counter. “Honestly? Spirited Away. S-sounds childish, b-but I love it. When I was young I loved imagining that exciting worlds l-like that existed right under my-my nose.” 

Kylo grinned down at her, and she raised an eyebrow. 

“Wh-what?” 

“I own it. No shit, it’s my second favorite movie of all time.” 

Rey stared back up at him and giggled. “N-no way.” 

“Absolutely. So is that what we’re watching tonight?” 

She nodded, and he felt his heart pound again, happily this time. A cute Studio Ghibli film might actually fix the awkwardness he’d managed to generate over the course of the evening. Especially if she already loved it. 

He started cooking with renewed fervor. If things went well, he might actually be able to salvage his attempts at a declaration of love later. 

And if things went _really_ well, Rey would allow him to worship her all night, and he’d wake up with the taste of her lingering on his tongue. 

He stirred like crazy to distract himself and his dick from that particular thought, before it could make Rey aware of its very ample presence. 

— 

Dinner went well enough, Rey decided. Kylo really did just seem stressed earlier; his frantic behavior was likely only a result of being overworked. She was no longer uncomfortable, she knew as she plopped right beside him on the couch. They’d fallen back into their regular, comfortable rhythm. 

Now they’d watch her favorite movie, and when she woke up for her morning workout exhausted from sleep deprivation the next day, she’d know it was for a good cause. 

Even if he’d be gone forever far too soon, there was no harm in sharing dinner and an evening together sometimes to take the edge off of their mutual loneliness. She was just overthinking things earlier. She wouldn’t get too attached, and neither would he. They were just friends. Professionals. Adults. Awkward adults, but adults nonetheless. 

She hardly noticed when his fingers brushed against her knee a few minutes into the film, but she did notice that he made no attempt to move them. She felt her cheeks tingle at the contact. When she looked over, he seemed completely engrossed in the screen. 

Maybe he didn’t notice. Despite swearing any and all attachment to him off, she found herself disappointed at the thought that it wasn’t intentional. 

“Ugh, th-this is my favorite part,” she murmured, mostly to herself, nearly half an hour later. Her eyes widened, and she leaned forward ever so slightly to watch Chihiro bravely wash gunk away from what she thought was a stink spirit. 

“Mine too,” Kylo whispered. His fingers tensed against her for a moment, then suddenly they were on her. There was no way the hand currently dwarfing her thigh, nor the index finger drawing tiny little circles on her knee, were anything but intentional. Not this time. 

Her attention was ripped from the screen to the source of this strangely arousing sensation. No one had ever touched her like this. 

No one had ever touched her, really. At least not outside of her family. 

Her cheeks were red, but it was dark enough that Kylo wouldn’t be able to tell. She didn’t know if she should push him away or lean into his touch. Both options were compelling for different reasons. 

The first would be easiest. She wouldn’t fall head over heels in love with Kylo fucking Ren, only to have him ripped away from her. She wouldn’t invest any emotional or physical time or energy in someone she could never truly have. She would never get her heart broken; she’d live happily enough alone for the rest of her life.

But she’d always wonder. 

She at least wanted to know why the most handsome man she’d ever seen was bothering to give her attention. But honestly, it made sense. 

They made sense, she realized. Ben Solo made sense. He was the only thing that had made sense in a really fucking long time. Maybe fate showed her that LinkedIn posting so that she could be in this moment, right now. It wasn’t like Snoke would ever let her see space, she always knew she was wasting her time in this program. 

So instead of responsibly shifting away, she leaned over and let her head rest on his shoulder. Her conscious mind might not have had any idea what to do in this situation, but it seemed like her body knew the movements to this dance. The instructions were most likely embedded deep in a line of genetic code somewhere in her DNA. 

Kylo’s hand moved from her knee to the inside of her knee, giving her a firm squeeze that shot hot electricity through the rest of her body. She couldn’t have possibly helped the tiny moaning sound that escaped her throat when he did so. 

“Oh, fuck, Rey,” Kylo growled. She could tell he was staring down at her. “That’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.” 

The way he said it made her thighs clench, and he must have noticed that, too. She tried to fight a whimper when she caught his intense gaze, but it escaped anyway. He looked like he was about to devour her. She didn’t know if she was excited or horrified by this fact, but she made no attempt to stop him. 

His hand traveled from the inside of her knee and up the rest of her thigh. He stopped in the middle and gave her another squeeze. 

“Тебе нравится, когда я прикасаюсь к тебе?” 

Rey didn’t need to understand, she already knew what he was saying on a primal level. She nodded profusely.

“Has anyone ever touched you before, sweetheart?” 

“…no. No one has ever touched me.” Rey whispered. She felt brave enough to meet his hungry gaze again. “…y-you’re the first.” 

That elicited yet another low growling sound from Kylo. 

“I want to be the last, too, my beautiful little _printsessa_.” 

She wasn’t able to respond before his fingers were wrapped firmly around her chin. His lips collapsed onto hers, and it felt like every cell in her body was on fire. Desire unlike anything she’d ever felt coursed through her veins, and she felt her body pressing closer to his until he pulled her firmly onto his lap and her arms were tucked behind his neck. They kissed for what felt like hours but was really only about fifteen seconds before he pulled away from her again.

“This is your first kiss?” He breathed. Rey nodded. She brought her bottom lip between her teeth. She should have been nervous, she should have felt awkward, but she’d honestly never felt more right in her life. 

Even knowing how much this was going to hurt her in a few months. 

“теперь ты моя.” 

His lips crashed onto hers again. She yelped when his hands fell from her waist to her ass and squeezed tightly. He used that as an opportunity to start plundering her mouth with his tongue. She tried to return the favor, but she wasn’t nearly as experienced, and she knew her tongue was awkward and unpracticed. He didn’t seem to mind, though. Neither did the enormous mass bulging into her crotch. She didn’t realize how suggestively she was straddling him until she registered that firmness. She ground against him, completely subconsciously, gasping at the wonderful sensations that such a simple action could give her. 

“Oh, fuck,” he pulled away from her lips to whine into her ear. “Do that again, Rey. My sweet girl. So good for me.” 

He left a trail of kisses from the corner of her mouth down her neck. The sensations were so new and overwhelming that when she rubbed against him again, she moaned so loudly it almost made her jump. 

His grip on her ass tightened, and he pulled her up his lap and then pushed her back down his length again. She whined into the crook of his neck as he took control. 

“I’m going to cum in my fucking pants, Rey. Holy absolute fuck.” 

He stopped moving her to pant for a minute, and then started to move her body against him again. “God, I think I love you.” 

And just like that, the spell was broken—on both ends. 

Kylo looked abjectly horrified at himself, and Rey couldn’t do anything but blink down at him. 

“_Fuck_,” Kylo finally huffed. He loosened his grip on her and gently moved her off of his lap, back onto the couch. 

“Uh… let me explain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations, per google (again, my russian is very limited for now):  
Тебе нравится, когда я прикасаюсь к тебе?: do you like it when i touch you? 
> 
> теперь ты моя: you are mine now


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A blessed, beautiful shout out to AO3 user Ayearandaday, who helped me correct the Russian in the first chapter. <333
> 
> So, this will be updated more frequently/probably finished before the end of January 2020 bc life continues to shit on me. Ah well. I'd rather sit at home and write fanfic than be a productive member of society anyway. 
> 
> Thank you all for the amazing support on this and literally every other story. This community means so fucking much to me and has for a while; I'm glad to finally have the confidence to contribute. Reylo will be my OTP until I die.

Rey bristled. 

Suddenly the formerly comfortable couch felt like sensory overload. She could feel every fiber poking into her business professional dress pants, still unchanged from the long, grueling day of training she’d endured earlier. She was a bit too overwhelmed by the squishy, wet sensation in her crotch to really even put much stock into Kylo’s sudden declaration of potential love. 

Did she really just… jump him like that? Moaning in his ear, making out with him like a horned up teenager whose parents were out for the weekend? 

Not that she’d know, but that thought was her closest point of reference. 

“I-I don’t think there’s anything to explain,” she started, jerking up suddenly. It was like someone else had possessed her body, and she had a singular focus: get the fuck out of there before she embarrassed herself more. “H-h-heat of the moment. Uh…I get it.” 

“Fifty six multiplied by seventy two,” Kylo sighed. He pressed his head back against the couch, eyes shut tight, refusing to meet her gaze. Not that she wanted him to. He seemed as remorseful as she did, and that wasn’t nearly as comforting as she thought it would be. 

“Four thousand thirty two,” Rey responded automatically. For some reason, the recitation calmed her, and she let her arms fall back to her sides.

Kylo nodded. 

“I’m not a human calculator,” He shut his eyes tighter, somehow, balling his hands into fists beside his thighs. “But I’ll take your word for it.”

Rey stood silently before him, staring down at his white knuckles. 

“You headed out?” He asked, opening one eye and peering up at her sheepishly. “I’d prefer if you stayed, finished the movie. We never have to talk about this again. It’s up to you.” 

Rey tried to speak, but words wouldn’t come. She was getting stuck, which was even worse to her than tripping over her words. Her heart was pounding so loudly in her ears that she almost couldn’t hear at all, but even that wasn’t enough to drown out the frustration building up in the nape of her neck. She tried to squeak out another word, and when she couldn’t, she just collapsed back beside him on the couch with a huff. Tears were threatening at the corners of her eyes, but she shook them away. 

No way was she crying in front of some Russian genius God-man after he’d lowered himself to kissing _her_. He should be the one crying, she should be on top of the world. 

“Want some water? I think I need some water,” Kylo croaked immediately after her body met the couch. He rushed to the kitchen and Rey couldn’t do anything but watch him strut awkwardly away before she could even respond. 

There were splashing sounds, a loud _thump_, grumbled curses, and several angry huffs before he made his way back with absolutely no potable water to show for it. It seemed to be all over the collar of his shirt instead. He cast her a pained look and sat back down beside her, his large hand fumbling to press play on the remote before her next breath. 

She, gracefully, decided not to say anything. Not that she could muster up the courage to. She was a ball of awkward energy, both horrified and excited by the prospect of Kylo Ren possibly kissing her _again_. Kylo seemed so intent on paying attention to her, being kind to her, inviting her to his home. Then he was practically jumping on her halfway through a movie. She wasn’t fabricating this, right? Jeeze, he was so turned on he started saying shit about _loving_ her. 

Wait. That was a huge red flag. 

Oh Gods. What if this was all just a joke? What if he got his sick kicks taking advantage of stupid, foreign, socially inept girls? He’d leave her with a fucking broken heart in a year and laugh all the way to Mars with Bazine and Poe and Finn and Rose and Jessika, because those were the most obvious candidates for the mission, and she’d be alone manning mission control while they stuttered through laughs to relay all their cool, classified info to her. In space. Gods, she was dry humping him like an animal thirty minutes ago. 

Rey’s cheeks grew hot as her thoughts progressed. She folded her hands in her lap, neatly like Maz taught her, and stared forward at the screen. 

— 

Kylo wanted to beat his head into the coffee table. He briefly considered slapping himself, or punching himself in the dick, but that would probably frighten Rey, which would be no good. Self-flagellation could wait until after she left. 

Gods, he didn’t want her to leave. 

He cautioned a look at her from the corner of his eye. From the lights of the TV screen, he could tell that she was still red in the face. Her coloration seemed slightly more aggressive than a blush, but what could he expect after his strange little display of emotion? She had a thousand yard stare, like she was lost thinking about how much of a fucking weirdo he was. 

His breath caught in his throat and he pushed the air a bit too aggressively through his nose. Rey stirred a bit beside him, but she didn’t hazard a glance the way he had. No, her beautiful hazel eyes were still glued to the screen and Chihiro was a little too busy spinning yarn for Granny to help him out of this one. 

Kylo had always been quick to obsess over subjects, phrases, ideas. Never people. In fact, he’d guess that his intensity and obsessions were meant to keep himself further isolated from building close relationships. He had no idea how this little nobody from nowhere spun him around her finger so tightly, and he still couldn’t tell if she had any idea that she even had that effect on him. At first he’d been content to blame the stress of traveling and his upcoming journey to outer damn space, but no. There was another force drawing him to her. Fate, destiny, whatever less cynical people called it. 

She’d been so soft and pliant in his lap. He let himself get lost in what he wished wasn’t such a short memory. Soft, sweet lips working against his, firm, toned thighs gripping his. He wished he’d taken advantage and kissed her cheeks, too, right over those cute little freckles. She had such an innocent, sweet face, like she wasn’t capable of the horrendous maliciousness or manipulation he’d endured since birth. And she wasn’t. She was ‘straight up,’ as the Americans would say. 

It didn’t help that she was his wet dream come to life, either. Kylo wasn’t the type to spin fuzzy tales or paint pretty pictures to justify his lust, he definitely found her sexy, and the way that she had absolutely no fucking idea what those tight dress pants and pencil skirts could do to depraved men like him and Poe fucking Dameron… 

Gods, he hated Dameron and he loved Rey and he wanted her back in his lap so he could kiss her freckles and maybe finger bang her. Anything to hear those little moans again. 

He huffed again and crossed his arms over his chest. 

That time, Rey stirred. She cast him a gobsmacked expression, and all he could do was stare down at her with his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He was still half-hard and not thinking straight. 

“…Wh-what?” She demanded, her own eyebrows knitting, like she was mocking his facial expression. “Why do you…” she stopped, breathed in, then closed her eyes tightly. “…keep _sighing_ like that?”

“Sorry,” he muttered, eyes wide now. He felt his tongue begin to loosen, and he knew he was about to fuck himself in the bad, not-at-all pleasurable, figurative way. “I’m really, really sorry. This isn’t how I wanted this to happen. You deserve to be cherished, not groped at by a thirty-something whose dick makes him act like a hormonal teen.”

He felt Rey stiffen beside him and groaned loudly. 

“That’s not what I mean. I’m sorry. You just…make my brain go to mush.” He motioned to his tented pants and rolled his eyes.

Rey’s gaze landed on his crotch and she raised an eyebrow, but remained silent. 

She looked uncomfortable. 

He needed to stop talking. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. _Fuck_.”

Rey blinked at him one more time and turned back to the television. 

It took about five more minutes of silence, but she finally faced him again. 

“Are you fucking with me?” Her voice wavered and she frowned, like she’d spent all that time trying to work up the courage to say the words and then fucked it all up. “It sounds r-r-really stupid when I say it out loud, b-but I need to be sure.” 

Kylo felt a surge of annoyance flash through him. Not really at Rey, mostly at the idea that life had done such a number on her that she couldn’t fathom the idea of a loser like him pining after her. 

“No. I’m not fucking with you, for the millionth time. I'm really, really not, Rey.” 

Maybe he was slightly irritated with her. What did he have to do to prove he wasn’t just a jackass? 

She nodded and redirected her gaze to the television, just in time for the credits to start rolling. 

“Call you an Uber?” Kylo asked softly. 

Rey shook her head. Her hands were bunched up beside her thighs. 

He frowned. “Well I’m not gonna let you walk. It’s freezing out.” 

“You’re leaving,” she sighed. 

“Huh?” Kylo let out a slightly uncomfortable chuckle. He wasn’t following. “This is my apartment.”

She rolled her eyes, a cheeky move that brought the faintest hint of a smile to Kylo’s mouth. 

“You’re l-leaving the-the _planet._” 

“Oh. Yeah, eventually.” 

“F-for ten years.” 

“Yes. A decade.”

“I like you, Kylo. Ben. Wh-whatever.” He watched her carefully suck in another deep, deep breath, like the air would somehow fill her with courage. “But this is a bad idea. B-bad, bad idea. Horrible idea.” 

“Wait…” The elation Kylo felt from hearing her admit some feelings for him was very quickly checked by her reluctance to pursue anything. “Why is it a bad idea?”

“B-because you’ll be in _space_,” she began, still sucking in all of the air she could manage. “A-and I’ll be here. I can’t just—“ she stopped again. He watched her brow twitch, then her lip, and she tapped at her knee with a frustrated scowl. “Can’t just l-let it go when you leave. It would hurt. I kn-know myself.” 

“Why wouldn’t you be going to space, too?” Kylo asked, cocking his head to the side. He knew very well why she’d assume that, but he’d been working Snoke on her behalf over the last month, and the old toad seemed less reluctant to give her a fighting chance lately. Kylo was far too much of an idealist to think she wouldn’t be right next to him, awkward as that might be. Fate would find a way. He’d forge their own way if he had to.

Or he’d fucking stay, contracts be damned. 

“You know I’m not touching that Mars mission.” Rey’s face was red, like speaking the words aloud suddenly made them the gospel truth. “H-honestly, I don’t w-want to.” 

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Kylo cleared his throat. “Not even to be with me?”

“We j-j-just met!” Her eyebrows furrowed indignantly. “Of course not!” 

That shouldn’t have felt like a slap to the face, but it did. He slumped back into the cushions, fingers immediately traveling up to his temples. Okay, so she was rational and not absolutely, completely lost and insane like he was. But she liked him. He could work with that. 

“Can we just worry about the logistics later, Rey?” He grunted. The thought of having her and losing her so quickly, coupled with the pain of being forced to see her _every day_ after that was a bit too much for him. He needed to buy time. “Just see if this like…fizzles out in a month anyway?” 

Fat chance of that happening, but he wasn’t about to admit that to her. 

What would a rational person say? 

“You’re reading too much into it,” he finally blurted. Her eyes shot open, and for a second she looked like she might slap him. “I mean—like I said, this could fizzle out. No point trying to predict that we’ll be madly in love in a year and a half, or anything.” Okay, he was acting cool again. Aloof. Unaffected. All good signs. American girls loved a cool, aloof man, he’d been approaching this all wrong. 

He plastered a grin to his face, even though he didn’t mean it. “Not that I blame you for thinking that. Just saying, you’re reading too much into it. Let’s take it slow.” 

“Y-you just t-t-told me you loved me mid-dry hump,” she deadpanned. Her body was off of the couch and stomping to the door before he could reach out and pull her into him. He turned around on the couch, blinking nervously, swallowing back…some kind of pained groan when she glared at him over her shoulder. 

“Y-yeah, I’m the one reading too much into it.” 

She bent over and slipped her shoes on. His eyes were fixed on her ass—no, Kylo, fucking _focus._ He couldn’t say anything. He’d shot himself in the foot, and he was sputtering like a child trying to come up with the right thing to say.

“Goodnight, asshole,” she hissed, eloquently as ever, slamming the door behind her. 

Okay. Maybe American girls _didn't_ like a cool, aloof guy. 

Kylo's fist connected with the coffee table in front of him before he could blink. 

"_Fuck!_"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't hate me i'll fix it 
> 
> kylo is going to start cooking up something WILD (read: PLOT. PLOT. PLOT.) in the next chapter, stay tuned.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snoke's an asshole but i also am obligated to bring in the new year with tooth-rotting fluff from our favorite space daddy's pov lol

“You’re late.” 

Kylo cringed at Director Snoke’s deadpan expression. The man was tall, uncomfortably thin and incredibly unpleasant to look at, but a family friend nonetheless. Well, a friend of his grandfather’s. His father had never been very fond of Snoke. 

“I know.” 

Snoke raised a brow. “Aren’t you going to tell me why, boy? I’m receptive to a passable excuse.” 

“Jet-lag.” The corner of Kylo’s lip curled down at the lie, and he decided that his mentor deserved at least a half-truth. “Insomnia’s hit me pretty hard. I’m working on it, though. I won’t be late again.” 

“Mm,” Snoke nodded. “Well, I’m prepared for a report on the recruits. Verbal, of course. We don’t want a paper trail for decisions like this, especially not in the early stages.” 

“Alright. I’ll have that ready for you tomorrow—“

“_Now._ I’ve waited for you enough.” 

Kylo cleared his throat and bent over to rifle through his messenger bag. He pulled out his black moleskin, to which Snoke raised a wary brow. 

“Er—er, okay. Uh, from my observations, primarily based on ability, then controlled for personality—which is important on a spacecraft, as you know, living in a six hundred square foot box with ten unpleasant people is…well, unpleasant,” Kylo cleared his throat as he rifled through the pages. He couldn’t help but be nervous under the calculating gaze of this man, who was as much friend as he was foe. “Poe Dameron, of course, for piloting. Rose Tico for engineering and maintenance, Finn Storm for soil analysis and general botany, Jessika Pava for technology upkeep…” 

Kylo trailed off long enough for Snoke to interrupt. 

“That’s four,” Snoke hummed. “Who else?” 

“Well, sir, you may not agree, but I believe Rey Kanata would—“

“No!” Snoke stood, suddenly, and gripped the corners of his desk with a snarl. “Absolutely not.” 

“—she would be an excellent addition for data acquisition and analysis, studying the effects that deep-space travel has on the human body—“

“I said no.” Snoke’s voice lowered an octave, and suddenly he was deceptively calm. “Do not make me say it again. Bring Netal for data analysis, she has the math acumen for it.” 

“With all due respect, sir, Kanata is like a human calculator. I’m not being insubordinate, I just believe she’s worth consideration.” 

Snoke scoffed. “Didn’t you say you were controlling on personality, Ren? That alone should override Kanata’s ability to perform simple math in her head. You have your recruits. Let them know, but do so quietly. The rest will be discharged into lesser programs based on performance. If you have suggestions for _that_, I’m all ears, but my mind is made up on Operation Cooperation—Gods, I fucking _hate_ that name—and I will accept no further ill-conceived arguments.” 

“Yes, sir.” Kylo bristled and sat up straighter, dropping his moleskin onto the ground in front of him and taking in a deep breath to steady his nerves. “Er… Kanata should at least enter the Space Station program, as the sixth contender. Wexley—ah, Wexley really needs to get into instruction, perhaps get a little field experience as well. I’m not sure that any of the others have stood out much.” 

When Kylo glanced up to meet Snoke’s gaze, he found the man with eyes closed tight and fingers affixed to the bridge of his nose. 

“When you stop thinking with your _cock_, Ren, I will accept a report on the lesser recruits. If you say one more thing in defense of Kanata, a pitiful addition and stain on this program, I will have her removed completely. She is a weak-minded fool that can’t even formulate a sentence without breaking a sweat. Consistently rated lowest by peer-surveys. No friends, no lasting effect in any arenas but mathematics and robotics. Though it seems she’s left quite the effect on you.” 

Snoke paused for a minute to scan Kylo’s face for any sort of reaction. His mouth curled into a smirk at Kylo’s expression, he must have looked like a naughty, kicked puppy. 

“I do have ears on the inside, you know. I don’t mind you satisfying your baser urges with her. In fact, I encourage that; it’ll be the first thing she’s done to boost morale around here. But that ends the moment you step into my office, understand? If she wasn’t so simple I’d accuse her of using you for your influence, but that would require critical thinking on her part.” 

Anger, possibly rage, boiled from the bottom of Kylo’s spine, into his neck, further into his jaws which clenched and unclenched in time with his now pounding pulse. He couldn’t afford for Snoke to see him react with strong emotion. It was dangerous for both him and Rey, and he’d already done enough to upset Rey this week. He leaned forward and gathered his notebook and pen from the floor. 

“Anything else, sir?” 

“No. I’ll be here when you’re ready to apologize.” Snoke relinquished his grip on the corners of his desk and slumped back into his chair. 

Kylo slipped his head under the strap of his bag and shuffled out. He wanted to slam the door or punch the wall, but he still couldn’t afford to display emotion. Besides, his knuckles were still aching from the destruction he’d wrought on his apartment after Rey left last night. He hadn’t been consumed by destructive rage like this since his parents sent him off to _Russian_ military school to temper it, but something about losing Rey and having his mentor insinuate she was an idiot worth nothing more than a satisfying fuck—all within 24 hours—was really setting him off. 

Fucking _Netal._ Kylo hated her most of all. She was conniving, rude, and had somehow convinced Rey that anything good in her life was somehow just an elaborate set-up. There was cruel history there that he was almost relieved to not know. Definitely not the kind of person you wanted to spend ten years with in close quarters. 

And then there was the matter of Rey herself. In her defense, she’d tried to warn Kylo several times that she’d never get through this program. He was just too much of a one-track minded idealist to listen. She was entirely too intelligent to be passed over like this. He’d have to get to the bottom of what had really happened with Snoke. Rey must have spurned him in some way, possibly unwittingly. Netal, on the other hand… she had probably done the opposite. It was the only logical explanation for his favoritism. 

Unfortunately, Snoke was banking on Kylo being level-headed or rational. He was neither; he was obsessed and infatuated and, even more dangerously, convinced he was in love. Snoke might have had pull with the Americans, but Kylo _really_ had pull with the Russians. There was no possible way he was boarding a spaceship without Rey Kanata. He didn’t care what relationships he had to destroy in his wake. In a few months, Snoke would be on his unworthy knees, kissing Rey’s fucking shoes to keep this from falling apart. 

There was one relationship he had to mend beforehand. And that was the hard part. 

While he was lost in thought, his feet were busy guiding him to Collaboration Room 3. It was a meeting room in the darkest corner of the second floor, the least favorite due to the lack of windows. It was almost always unoccupied by anyone but Rey, who used it as her own personal office while she was on campus. 

He straightened his tie and cleared his throat before he thundered in. Rey was tinkering with something, too lost in the song blasting through her headphones to even look up. She had the volume up so loud that he could hear the pounding bass. 

Wait… was that _Somebody That I Used To Know_? Was she really in here listening to some sort of break-up playlist, like one fight could possibly get rid of him? He fought the urge to chuckle and sat down next to her. He waited for her to notice, but she was too absorbed in what she was doing. There were robotics components spread all across the meeting table. She was humming and screwing parts together like usual, but from this angle, he could tell that her eyes were puffy. _Fuck._ He already felt guilty enough for acting like such an asshole, this was just overkill on the universe’s part. 

His heart pounded while he studied her. Gods, she really was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. 

_Okay, Kylo, fucking fix it already._

He leaned over and patted her shoulder softly. 

This seemed like the wrong move. 

Rey gasped and jumped, brandishing her miniature screwdriver like a formidable weapon. When she noticed who had interrupted her, her eyes narrowed. She ripped the headphones out of her ears. 

“…Wh-what do y-you want?” She demanded, but her tone wasn’t convincing enough to put Kylo off. 

“I’m here to eat crow. Is that how you say it here?” He squinted down at her and shrugged as nonchalantly as he could. “Apologizing, that’s what I’m doing. Really, really apologizing for how absolutely stupid I acted yesterday. I was putting on an act, I don’t know why, trying not to get hurt while you rejected me. But that doesn’t justify my behavior at all. I’m so sorry, Rey.” 

“You’re g-gonna have to do better than that.” Rey’s face was stony as ever. In fact, she looked like she might be stifling an eye roll. “Much better, actually.” 

“Of course,” Kylo nodded. “The only way to my girl’s heart is through her stomach. Right?” 

He reached into his bag and pulled out two medium containers. One held an ungodly amount of spaghetti, and the other had three pieces of garlic bread. 

She eyed him cautiously. He could tell she was taking in his expression, trying her best to keep a straight face. She reached over the space between them and pulled the bowls to her. 

“I-I don’t suppose you-you’ve brought any silverware?” She asked, and Kylo fought the urge to raise a questioning brow.

It was only 10:30am. He started to protest. “The spaghetti’s been in my fridge all night, so it’s ice cold, and it’s also basically still time for breakfast.“ 

“Even better.” She shrugged. “Lucky you, I n-never travel without a fork.” 

Rey bent over and rifled through her backpack. It was full of loose papers and books, an organized mess, much like its owner. When she resurfaced, she was holding a plastic bag full of assorted silverware. She pulled out a fork and immediately got to work on the pasta. 

“Mmm,” she practically moaned through the first bite. “_Fuck_, Ben. Sooo good.” 

Kylo cleared his throat. _I will ravage you in this fucking conference room if you make that sound again,_ he thought, but somehow kept his words G-rated. “Do you forgive me?” 

“If I say no, will you bring me more food?” She asked through a mouthful of noodles. Kylo laughed. He couldn’t help it. “If you say yes, I’ll bring you _better_ food.” 

He winked and leaned forward to wipe sauce away from the corner of her mouth. She blushed at the contact, but it didn’t stop her from taking another bite. He let his hand linger on her face for a moment before withdrawing it and sucking the renegade sauce from his thumb with a pop. 

“Then y-yes, I forgive you.” She held up a hand while she swallowed what was in her mouth, then let out a thoughtful hum. “But you did make one good point. I w-was overthinking th-this.” She sucked in a deep breath before continuing, which Kylo finally recognized as an attempt to sate the stuttering. “I’ll let it happen, but if I feel myself getting too attached, we’re gonna have to slow down. I-is that okay?” 

“So we’ll be mutually exclusive?” 

It was Rey’s turn to laugh, then, it seemed. “Uh… no one else is really kn-kn-knocking down my door. But y-yeah, th-that’s about what I had in mind.” 

Kylo felt his heart thrumming in his chest. This had gone so much better than he could have possibly imagined. He walked into this stuffy conference room to a woman scorned, and now he was walking out with a girlfriend. Or a mutually exclusive friend. He didn’t know what the Americans called it. 

“Then it’s more than okay. Can I kiss you?” 

“I wish you would have asked before I d-devoured all that spaghetti,” Rey frowned. “I t-taste like garlic and basil h-had a pungent lovechild now.”

“But you were still mad! I couldn’t ask then.” Kylo beamed down at her with a rare grin, baring all of his imperfect teeth. “I don’t mind. Not at all.” 

Rey set down her fork and stood. Even with him sitting down, she hardly had to lean over to meet Kylo’s lips. She gave him a chaste peck and pulled away. 

“Sealed with a kiss,” she winked. She turned to nestle back into her seat, but Kylo grabbed her arm, gently tugging until she collapsed into his lap. 

When he was satisfied with the way she straddled him, he moved one hand to her hip and the other behind her neck. He pulled her down and gave her a near-bruising kiss, letting his tongue slip in when she gasped in surprise. She kissed him back, sloppily and unpracticed, and he relished every second of studying her mouth like he had an exam on it later. His hand moved down from her hip to the middle of her thigh and back up again, and he squeezed her there so tightly she yelped and broke the kiss, panting. 

“This is more what I had in mind, if I’m being honest.” 

“You’re h-horrible,” she murmured playfully. 

He studied the freckles on her cheeks, and then the blush that crept up behind them. Her eyes were hooded and her pupils were dilated, and even he could tell that she wanted much, much more than this when she leaned back down and captured his lips in her own kiss. Hers was less bruising and much slower, but no less passionate than his. Where his energy came off as desperate, hers came off like she had all the time in the world to do this, even though she only had a year and some change after the way today had played out. 

She pulled back with a contented sigh and leaned forward to nestle her face in the crook of his neck. 

“Th-this is gonna hurt me _so_ bad when you leave,” she crooned into the sensitive flesh between his jaw and his collarbone. “But it-it’s going to be worth it.” 

“I’m not leaving without you,” he whispered, more of a threat than a promise. He worked his fingers against her scalp, since it was the closest he could come to working them through her hair. She was always hiding what he was sure were beautiful chestnut tresses behind those buns. “When I tell you what this voyage actually entails, you’re gonna want to come, so don’t fight me on it.” 

“Mm. I’ll t-take your word for it, for now, Ben,” she murmured back. “Just don’t stop playing with my hair.” 

“I can only guarantee head scratches for another…fifteen minutes.”

Rey pulled away from his neck and stared down at him intently. He had just started to get washed away in those beautiful hazel pools when she bent down and kissed his nose with an innocent giggle. 

Kylo was no stranger to lust, but that elicited a completely different feeling. Something sticky-sweet swept through his abdomen and made him shift his weight from one thigh to the other. 

“Oh, wow. I d-didn’t know you could get c-cuter,” Rey giggled again. “It’s now my life’s goal to make you bl-blush as often as-as possible.” 

“Mmhmm,” Kylo hummed. He leaned back in the chair and brought Rey with him in a tight, protective embrace. “You’re gonna be the fucking death of me, Rey.” 

She was also going to be the death of Snoke's entire career, but she didn't have to know about that. Not yet.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kylo's been a busy boy! 
> 
> there's plot in this chapter if you squint 
> 
> we earn that e rating here (no actual sex, just smut)
> 
> expect more frequent updates :-) i've mapped this and several other stories out, so i have coherent ideas of how to structure the rest of the story. still not sure about chapter count.

Rey couldn’t help but feel a little out of the loop over the course of the next few days. 

Kylo was suddenly swamped. He stopped by her unofficial workspace in the mornings and afternoons to pepper her with kisses, but would often sleep overnight in his office to maximize his productivity. There was no time to cook for her—wait, no—no time to waste spending with one another. She had to admit it was difficult to adjust from being able to see him every night to suddenly dating him in an official capacity (she’d even signed a paper about it), and seeing him for less than fifteen minutes a day. He swore what he was working on was worth it, though. And the worshipful glint in his eye when he looked at her gave her all the confidence in the world to know that this was the truth. He _wanted_ to spend more time with her, just couldn’t spare it at the moment. Rey survived over twenty years without Kylo. She could manage a few more days. 

…Or so she thought. 

At the week mark, she started to worry. When it became clear that Kylo planned on spending the night in his office _again_, she formulated a plan. She’d never get in the way of his productivity, but she could at least give him something to smile about in the meantime. 

She knocked on his office door at around 8:00 pm. She’d wanted to get there earlier, but the security guard had started doing his usual rounds at around 7:30 and wasn’t there to let her in. In his defense, it _was_ a Friday. Even astronauts were eager for the weekend. 

The look of surprise in his eyes when he opened his door was worth all of the trouble. She wondered why she hadn’t done this sooner, but didn’t dwell on that fact for too long. She was new to relationships and so was he. Neither of them had any firm expectations for the other. 

“Rey,” Kylo grinned, opening the door wider so she could step inside. "What a pleasant surprise." 

She clutched her takeaway closer to her chest and obliged, giving him a nod in acknowledgement. “Ben.” 

Rey didn’t really know what to do now that she was here. Common sense escaped her, as it often did in uncomfortable situations. He looked none too concerned about her awkwardness, for his part—he was just genuinely excited to see her. She imagined him with a wagging tail and it helped tether her back to reality. 

“…I thought I’d bring y-you some f-food,” she started. “Th-the lady at the…_restoran_…said growing men need beef stroganoff and p-pirozhki. And then she sent me off with syr-syr…syrniki? Pancakes. With cheese.” 

“Oh, Rey.” Kylo’s grin was wider than she’d ever seen it. “I hate syrniki, but the rest sounds great.” 

“I wish I c-could cook, but I’m k-kind of worthless there—“

Kylo shook his head. “That’s my fault, I’ve been neglecting your lessons.” He held his arm out to grab the bags, but Rey thought he was going in for a handshake. She was a little confused at the gesture, but gripped his hand anyway. 

“Baby,” he murmured, grin never faltering. “The food.” 

“Oh!”

Rey tried to ignore the heat creeping over her cheeks while she shoved the bags into his arms. He set them on his desk, squinted at his laptop for a moment, then shut it with a sigh. 

“I can give you an hour of undivided attention. You’ve been so good this week.” 

Rey felt sheepish at the compliment. She’d done her best not to bother him. She kicked her foot on the carpet and nibbled at her bottom lip before she worked up the nerve to tell him about the rest of his surprise. 

“I ac-actually have some work to do m-myself—I was wondering if I could, um, spend the n-night here. With you.” 

“Yes. I’d love that, actually.” 

Rey smiled. He had a twin sized air mattress under his desk. She knew he could barely fit on it alone, which meant she’d be able to fulfill her two week-long fantasy of falling asleep on top of him. 

“Can you tell me ab-about what you’re working on, then?” 

“World domination, of course.” Kylo leaned back against his desk and winked. ”I’d need to put together a quick, legally-binding NDA if you want more details.” 

“…I have some s-security clearance, you kn-know.” Rey huffed some air through her teeth. “B-but it’s alright. Probably over my head anyway. I can’t even p-pretend to understand the in-in-intricacies of b-bureau...c-cracy.” 

“Honestly, Rey, it’s just boring. I’d rather not put you to sleep like that tonight.” 

Kylo chuckled as he approached her, gently pressing his thumb and forefinger over her chin. He pulled her mouth up and leaned down to meet it with his own. He was warm and tasted like coffee—lots and lots of coffee. He certainly looked like the type to enjoy it black and bitter and disgusting, but he actually drank it at a 2:1 creamer to coffee ratio. Right now she could barely make out the beans over the sweet taste of french vanilla. She might have found it disgusting with anyone else, but she couldn’t ever get enough when it came to Kylo Ren. Her hands trailed up his abdomen, making sure to relish the tensing of his muscles and the warmth that radiated from under his dress shirt on the way to his neck. When she got there, he tapped her hips, and she instinctively knew to jump up. 

He carried her from the center of his office to his desk. He pushed a few office supplies off to make room for her. The sound of his tape dispenser, stapler, and pencil cup hitting the floor made Rey break the kiss to giggle into his neck. 

“When we do this in space, they’ll be floating,” Kylo promised. “…Well, maybe not. Just suspend your disbelief.” 

“I’ll p-pretend they’re floating. J-just kiss me again.” 

Kylo didn’t need to be told twice. He rested his hands on her thighs and rubbed while his lips pressed against her throat. She whimpered as his hands continued their ascent, thumbs finally drawing endless circles on her hipbones as his mouth moved south to the crook of her neck. 

“Wish I could worship you every day, Rey,” he groaned into her sensitive flesh. She shivered at the words and the vibrations they made against her. “Soon, baby, I promise.” 

His fingers joined each other at her waistband. He played with the button on her jeans for a minute, then looked up at her with his bottom lip between those beautifully imperfect teeth. 

“Can I eat you out?” 

Rey didn’t know what to do. Grinding against him was the height of her sexual experience, and thinking about his tongue in her pussy was enough to make her dizzy. Never in a million years… 

“…Y-yes. _Please._” 

The words came out of her before she could stop them. Her body must have known what it wanted more than her brain did. 

“Okay thank God.” Kylo must have been holding his breath, because it all came out in a relieved, shaky exhale. 

She was unbuttoned, unzipped, and had her pants and panties pulled down to her ankles before she could say anything else. Not that she could manage speech right now. Kylo was sitting up on his knees and pulling hers apart so he could get the best possible look at her sex. She bit her lip and looked away before her her blush could make her face implode. 

“So pretty. So _pink_,” he moaned. He pressed his cheek against her thigh and inhaled so hard it made Rey cough. Too dirty. Too much. Her core was throbbing and buzzing with anticipation, all she could do was continue to stare at the wall and fold and unfold her hands. She felt the heat of his cheek leave her leg so he could look up at her, but she refused to turn back to face him. His voice dropped an octave, caught somewhere between horny and comforting. “Hey. I’m gonna make you feel good, baby. Just relax for me.” 

“N-no one’s ever done this—“

“_Fuck._ I know. Don’t remind me or I’ll cum in my fucking pants right now.” 

“Kylo!” Rey’s entire body tensed at that. She finally looked down at him, mouth agape in horror and surprise. “…Y-you have a f-f-filthy mouth.” 

Kylo groaned and leaned forward to trace her folds with the tip of his tongue, top to bottom and bottom to top. She jerked under him. He pressed his hands on her thighs and held them down as his tongue explored her deeper. 

“So _good_.” 

Rey realized that she should feel self conscious, but Kylo seemed to be enjoying himself more than ever with all the grunts and moans of approval he was making. Hell, he was more vocal about his enjoyment than she was—and she was already teetering on the edge of an orgasm within the next minute and a half. 

He pulled away from her suddenly, making her whine. 

He hadn’t meant to edge her. When she worked up the nerve to look down, he was staring up at her with big, pleading, hooded eyes. 

“Can I put a finger in you? Maybe two, if you can handle it?” 

Rey sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded. It was all she could do, really. He was taking a baseball bat to her signature bashfulness right now and all she wanted to do was sit back and take it. 

“Solnyshko…” He gave another breathy sigh of contentment and appreciation. “You have blessed me today.” 

Rey’s mind fluttered back to when he’d said he thought he loved her, just because of some mild dry humping. She tried to imagine what he’d confess today. He seemed to lose his filter when he was horny. 

Her train of thought was interrupted by one of his big fingers pressing into her. She keened and arched upwards off of the desk, causing his free hand to work with gravity to tether her back down to reality. She stared down at him and swore she could only see the whites of his fluttering eyes. 

“So tight, malyshka,” he groaned before pressing his face back between her lips. He turned his hand and curled his finger so it would press perfectly on that spongy little piece of sensitive flesh she could never seem to reach herself. That combined with the ministrations of his big, warm tongue against her clit made her lose it about a minute later. She was already sensitive from before. 

She swore the world went white for a minute. It was the most powerful wave of pleasure she’d ever experienced, not that she’d tried to scratch that itch very often. If she had to follow this man to Mars to experience this every day for the rest of her life, so be it. She never wanted to be without him or his magic tongue again. 

These thoughts filtered crystal clear through her mind, but her mouth was a blubbering mess of incoherent moans and groans and nonsense about “good, so good, fuck.” She didn’t stutter once. 

Kylo slipped his fingers out of her entrance and into his mouth, standing up in time with a vulgar _pop_ sound as he pulled them back out. 

“Good?” He asked, sheepishly. Rey was still out of breath, shaking, incoherent, so she nodded. Again. Vigorously this time. 

“S-so good,” she finally breathed. “I—wow.” 

“Yeah.” Kylo used the sleeve of his dress shirt to wipe away at the slick accumulating on his lips and chin. He grimaced while he did it, like he was being wasteful in some way. “Can I kiss you again? Would that gross you out?” 

“C-can I put my panties back on first? It’s uh—it’s c-cold.” 

“Oh.” Kylo hummed, squatting to pick her panties up from the pile of clothes on the floor. His gaze was wistful, pleading, going from Rey to the fabric in his hands. “I really wanted to keep them.” 

“Uh…” Rey huffed a breath through puffed cheeks. How do you respond to something like that? “C-can I give them to you in th-the morning?” 

“…Yes.” 

Rey couldn’t fight the grin spreading over her features as he mournfully handed her panties back. This was all new territory for her. She bent over shyly and pulled the fabric up her legs. Her backpack held a pair of cotton shorts which she put on while Kylo watched. 

Her eyes trailed to the bulge straining in his pants. 

“…C-can I…” Rey paused and steadied herself. The last thing she wanted to do was stutter while she was talking dirty. “…make you feel good too?” 

Kylo shook his head. “You already have, sweetheart. Tonight’s about you. Just give it a few minutes, it will go away.” 

Rey was grateful for the out. Receiving while inexperienced was one thing—she’d have to do extensive research to make sure she was servicing him correctly when the time came. Perhaps she’d get to work on that while he went back to his top secret plans for world domination, surprise him when they finally went to sleep tonight. 

Kylo gave Rey one last chaste peck on the lips, and then immediately went to work setting up the air mattress for her. He tutted when she reached into her book bag to set up a pseudo workstation and plugged everything in for her himself. There was a lap desk and a pillow haphazardly stuffed under the filing cabinet, which worked perfectly for her. He made it a point to fluff everything up as much as possible. 

“So you come back every night,” he winked as he explained the extremes of his hospitality. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before.” 

“Me neither,” Rey agreed. “When d-do you need to get back to work?” 

“Thirty minutes or so.” Kylo shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. We still need to eat, baby.” 

Rey made it a point to set all of the food up. He was apparently not much of a "_stroganov_" fan, either, but she could tell he suffered through for her sake. She didn’t point it out. It might embarrass him. The pirozhki was a bonafide hit, at least. 

“I’ve n-never really had…authentic Russian food.” 

Kylo laughed. “You got this from that place at the mall, right?” 

Rey shoved another forkful of noodles into her mouth and nodded. 

“Then it isn’t authentic at all. Don’t worry. I’ll cook something much better for you, kroshka.” 

A comfortable silence fell over them while they finished the rest of the mini-feast Rey brought. She found that she didn’t like the cottage cheese pancakes much, either—too rich for her palette. She’d leave them in the break room fridge. Some poor, hungry soul would be grateful for them next week. 

“Has Bazine always been a bitch?” He finally asked, which made Rey cough. 

Out of left field, much?

“…N-no.” 

“Were you friends at one point?” 

Rey felt her eyebrows furrow. She wanted to trust that there was a point to this, but she also didn’t want thoughts of her adult bully to poison the beautiful post-orgasmic haze she was riding out. 

“Yes. S-sort of. She kind of freaked out on me one day.” 

“Do you remember why?” 

“It st-started when I p-pointed out that her shirt was inside out. B-but that can’t be why sh-she suddenly hated me.” Rey shook her head. “M-maybe she was just embarrassed that she met with the Director w-with her clothes all out of sorts.” 

“Rey.” Kylo’s lips curled up into a smirk. “Come on.” 

“What?” She huffed, indignant. 

“I figured it was something like that. Just…someone’s going to ask you some questions, okay? There’s going to be an investigation. About inappropriate behavior with subordinates.” 

“Oh f-fuck, Ben.” Rey’s face flushed. “Did y-you get in trouble? Wh-when things became official?” 

“No, no,” Kylo shook his head, smirk still firmly in place. “I’m not your superior. We’re technically just coworkers. I can recommend you for things, but I have to use tangible results to justify that—you couldn’t possibly fake those impressive test scores.” 

“Oh. Th-then who is it?” Rey leaned in a bit, unconsciously. She was not opposed to being on the receiving end of gossip. Not at all. “I won’t tell _anyone_.”

She held out her pinky but Kylo didn’t grasp it with his, just leaned over and kissed it. 

“You're so sweet, baby. So innocent. I love it. I don’t want to spoil the surprise." 

“Th-the suspense is gonna k-kill me,” Rey frowned, despite the blush creeping over her cheeks at the compliment. “Come on...b-baby.” 

“You'll know on Monday. In the meantime…” he motioned to his desk with an exaggerated pout. “I’ve gotta sort through some more shit. So I can cuddle you before the sun’s back out.” 

An investigation into impropriety? At NASA? How scandalous. Rey was frustrated that Kylo was withholding details, but she understood. 

This gave her something to look forward to, at least. Mondays usually sucked.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is that...plot?!

Rey didn’t even remember falling asleep the night before, though she did vaguely recall having her laptop on the bed with her before she passed out. Kylo must have moved it. 

Only a small sliver of her body was actually positioned on the air mattress. The rest was draped languidly over Kylo’s sleeping form. He was laying on his back, head and hair competing to take as much of their shared pillow as humanly possible. Rey didn’t mind—the crook of his shoulder was a much more enticing place to lay her head, even if it was giving her a bit of a crick in her neck. 

Kylo’s tiny little snores sounded so cute it made her chest ache. She pressed her body more firmly into his side; she needed to feel the firmness of him to know that this was all real. He hardly stirred at the intrusion, but did murmur something happily between snores. 

This was the first time they spent the night together and it couldn’t have possibly been more perfect. There was just enough moonlight filtering through the blinds to guide her lips to his cheek. The skin on his face felt _so_ soft she positioned her body so that her mouth wouldn’t have to leave his skin for the rest of the night. 

Her second waking was even better. 

Rey’s body flipped at some point over the last few hours, so that she was the little spoon and both of Kylo’s strong arms were clutching her tight against his chest. She loved being pressed against him like this. She’d never felt so safe in her life, not even in the arms of her mother Maz, or even when she was snuggling into her enormous childhood sheepdog, Chewie. 

“Baby,” Kylo murmured behind her, right into her hair. The vibration of the murmur sent chills down her spine. “Are you awake?”

Rey turned a little. “Mmhmm.” 

Kylo pressed a kiss to the top of her head and she felt his hand trail from her waist down to her hip. 

“You’re so soft. Even through all these layers. How is that, solnishko?” 

“Dryer sheets,” she mumbled sleepily. “I’ll loan you some.” 

His grip on her hip tightened. “If you keep acting cute, I’m gonna kiss you, and I’m pretty sure I have morning breath. Is that what you want?” 

“Nooo, we’re not there yet.” She couldn’t tell if she felt groggy or well-rested, but she did know she didn’t want this moment to end. There was too much light filtering through the blinds to fall back asleep, but what was actually stopping them from spending the entire day tangled up together, just like this? 

“I’ve gotta get up soon. Work.” 

Oh. _That._

Kylo sighed when her body went slack with disappointment. She didn’t mean for him to notice, didn’t want him to feel guilty for doing what had to be done. He tugged on one of her arms, shifting her position so he could press a kiss against her temple. 

“When this is over,” he pressed another kiss against her cheekbone, “I’m going to carry you to my apartment,” now one against her jaw, lips trailing down to her neck, “and lock you in my bedroom,” he paused to groan excitedly at his own idea, “and I won’t let you leave for at least two days.” 

Rey squeaked in both excitement and exhilaration. She wanted to agree, wanted to express herself more than anything, but the sounds weren’t coming. She’d had a few fleeting moments of eloquence this morning, but that’s all the universe seemed content to give her. Now she was struggling to get words out at all. 

His lips didn’t stop; he didn’t even notice her silent frustration building, he was solely focused on making her skin and core prickle with need. His kisses were wet and passionate, almost painful when he introduced teeth, but he immediately soothed her with his tongue. She enjoyed the pleasure-pain; it wholly distracted her from the budding vexation with herself. Kylo was inadvertently showing her that she didn’t need words like this. They could communicate solely via this language of their own creation. 

It took thirty minutes of gentle stroking, touching, and kissing for Kylo to work up the nerve to roll out of bed. He coaxed Rey out after him and led her to a “restricted” area downstairs. In reality, it was just a fancy, well-stocked shower facility for upper management. She couldn’t wrap her mind around the high-quality soaps, shampoos and conditioners provided free of charge, or the fact that there were fluffy towels and rags available for use. Most trainee facilities were threadbare, like the ones you’d see in an _actual_ spacecraft. Utility was maximized and meeting your needs was your own responsibility.

That was the thing about restricted areas at NASA, though—“restricted” typically just meant “resources not meant for the plebeians.” 

Even though they showered in separate areas, it still felt like she was with him in some way. She dreaded going back upstairs because that meant their magical time together was finally coming to a close. 

Rey hardly removed any of her belongings from her bag, but she still took as much time as she could meticulously wrapping up her laptop cord and folding their blankets. He watched her intently. If his smirk was any indication, he must have noticed her dawdling. 

“Thank you,” he offered, when she’d finally hoisted her bag over her shoulder. “I hope I’m never this busy again, but if I am...you’re welcome to stay here every night. There might even be a plate of pasta in it for you.” 

Rey smiled up at him warmly. He’d told her a million times that there was no greater feeling than breaching the atmosphere, that it was transcendental…but she wasn’t sure anything could top the feeling of this. It was pure and wonderful and beautiful, and Rey didn’t even know she needed it until Kylo Ren fell from the stars, directly into her lap. She’d never believed in fate before, never thought her trials would amount to anything, but she’d gladly relive it all—her abandonment, the stutter, the subsequent torment—over and over if it got her to this moment. 

She was still struggling to find her voice, so she pressed her hand against his chest. The action steadied her a bit. He understood. 

“…Pl-please only bribe me in-in tupperware containers f-full of pasta. A-a plate is not enough.” 

He chuckled, low and rumbling, and pulled her in for a lazy kiss. 

“Yes ma’am. I’ll see you Monday, zvezda moya.” 

“S-see you Monday…lyubimiy.” 

It was the first time she’d tried speaking Russian to him outside of instruction. It shouldn’t have been so nerve-wracking. He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, but she was too nervous to stick around for anything else. One awkward half-wave later, she was turning on her heel and thinking about how she could possibly survive not seeing him until Monday. 

— 

It seemed that Monday actually _could_ get there fast enough. 

Rey spent the entirety of Sunday studying, memorizing, and absorbing what she could from the last three months of training. As much as she loved a good surprise, she didn’t want to be too caught off guard. Typically she’d set up a soldering station and lose herself to coils of colored wire and microchips over the weekend, but Kylo had really freaked her out with his investigation talk. She needed to brush up on her actual _job_. 

She didn’t actually fall asleep until 3 AM thanks to a combination of nerves and her brain actively attempting to digest and sort the information she’d poured into it over the last twelve hours. She knew she processed things differently than most people, but she did always wonder if it was normal for her body to spend hours attempting to catch up with her brain. 

She’d have to ask Kylo about it. 

Her alarm sounded off at six, prompt as ever. It felt like a personal attack. The rest of the day did, too. 

Rey went into the office immediately after her run. Five members of her usual group were missing, but she didn’t think much of it. Most of them drank together over the weekends, and trainees were allotted one morning a week to skip the 7am workouts, anyway. She was just relieved that there were less people to watch her struggle to keep up. 

After her shower (she found herself _really_ missing the upper management facilities this morning), she checked her email to find a summons to Superintendent Holdo’s office at 8:30. Normally she’d be overwhelmed with nerves, but Kylo would have warned her if she was in trouble. He’d made this sound like a happy surprise. 

Holdo was elegant and poised in the most intimidating of ways. She held her head high, had the body of a model and the brain of a literal rocket scientist, and was more accomplished by 47 than Rey would likely be in her entire life. Even Director Snoke was below her, much to his chagrin. He wasn’t a fan, which made Rey respect Holdo even more. 

“Good morning, Miss Kanata. Please close the door behind you.” 

Rey did as she was told, settling into the seat directly in front of Superintendent Holdo’s desk. Her office was big, with windows aplenty, but she kept them all closed, preferring the soft ambience that lamps provided. She had an essential oil diffuser in one corner of the room, quietly spurting whiffs of lavender and jasmine into the air. It was a strange combination of scents but also quite relaxing. 

“Everything you say in this room stays in this room. I expect the same courtesy—so does the government. You signed a contract.” 

Rey knew this was meant to be playful, but all she could do was curl her lips upward in what could be mistaken for either a smile or a wince. 

Holdo continued without worry. “I’m going to start by explaining the situation. There has been a claim of sexual impropriety between a superior and an underling, and this underling has been officially selected for Operation Cooperation.” 

Rey fought a gasp. She had no idea they’d already made selections. Isn’t that something Kylo would know about? 

“It’s currently unclear if the subject’s selection has anything to do with the sexual nature of the relationship with their superior. Due to test scores, class performance, and surveys conducted by instructors, this appears to be the case. Now, are you aware of any relationships to that effect? I must remind you that your response will remain confidential.” 

No, Rey really didn’t know. But it sounded like she should. 

“M-may I have a moment to think about it?” 

Holdo nodded. “You may have as long as you need.” 

Rey silently counted to thirty before shaking her head. “…No, I am not aware of-of…” she sucked in a breath, “inappropriate relationships.” 

Holdo sat back in her chair and crossed her arms. 

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m s-sure.”

“Very well, then. May I have another moment of your time?”

Rey nodded. 

“Do you feel that your colleagues belittle, ridicule, or otherwise cause emotional harm to you because of your speech disability?” 

Rey’s face started twitching. _My God, not now._ Her hand tapped on her knee, and her ankle rolled, and she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. Once all of her tics were addressed, she was able to manage another meager nod. She’d never ‘tattle’ on her own accord, she could fight her own battles. But Holdo promised this session was confidential, and she didn’t want anyone to embarrass her in front of Kylo again. She knew he didn’t care about her stutter, but it was still mortifying to have someone like Bazine mock her attempts at speaking Russian. 

Rey must have looked like she was about to cry because Holdo shoved a box of tissues across her desk. She wasn’t, though, really. 

“May I have specific names?” 

“Um…” Rey looked everywhere in the room for an out. “B-Bazine Netal, mostly. Her cl-closer colleagues laugh along, but I don’t mind that.” 

Holdo pulled out a large legal pad and scribbled something down. 

“When did this behavior begin, Rey?” 

_Rey?_ Why wasn’t she Miss Kanata anymore? 

“Um—well, we were fr-friends, and then—“ Rey shook her head. She’d just relay exactly what she told Kylo, there was something she was missing there. Something Kylo deigned her too innocent to know. She straightened and spoke with renewed confidence. “One day, I told her th-that her shirt was inside out. She had just c-come from a meeting with Director Snoke. I believe she was em-em—“ it took a moment to get the word out. She was close to getting stuck, what with the mixture of nerves and relaying something that had proven to be painful later. “Embarrassed. She was embarrassed, ma’am.” 

“And that’s when the harassment started?” 

Rey nodded. She needed to conserve her words, as strange as that sounded. Sometimes she felt like she woke up with a finite number of them available, and with the way today was going, she was quickly depleting her stores. 

“Rey, do you remember the date, or could you give me a rough estimate?” 

“March of last year. I don’t rem-remember the date, sorry.” 

Holdo scribbled something else down, then looked up with a frown. “We are an equal opportunity employer, Rey. We comply with the ADA and do not accept any form of discrimination. Why haven’t you said anything?” 

Rey shrugged. Truthfully, she hadn’t cared until now. She’d been content to go through the program and end up behind a desk or right back in academia since she’d never felt worthy enough to belong in the first place. Her relationship with Kylo didn’t suddenly grant her value, but he was helping her see that she’d been worthy all along. Worthy of her place here, worthy of love, worthy of anything she wanted, really. Worthy of _Mars._ Space. The ISS. _Everything._

“I was…I thought I might d-deserve it.” 

“Over a speech disability? Rey,” Holdo shook her head and pulled her reading glasses from her face to make room for her fingers on the bridge of her nose. “Did you know you’re the top of your cohort in analytics and robotics? Last February, you were recommended to assemble components for the 2024 Venus Rover Mission. This recommendation was pulled by Director Snoke in late March.” 

Rey frowned. Why would Snoke pull her recommendations? It didn’t make sense, and it certainly wasn’t fair. 

“I will be writing you a _personal_ letter of recommendation should you not be selected for the Mars mission. I believe you’re going to do great things for space exploration, Rey.” 

“Th-thank you, Superintendent, I—“

Holdo waved her hand to dismiss her. “Don’t thank me. Thank _you_ for being competent. That is all, Miss Kanata. Please close the door behind you.” 

Rey scrambled to get out of the oversized office chair. “Of-of course. Have a great day.” 

_What the fuck?_

Rey had a few hours before she needed to be anywhere else. Her feet were guiding her towards her self-proclaimed office space before she even made a conscious decision to go there. While she walked, she ruminated. Her brain was positively buzzing. 

That was certainly the most praise she’d ever gotten from another human being, she decided. Even her mother withheld compliments. Holdo seemed like that type, too, so she must have really meant it. This feeling was…_nice_. She felt like she was floating for the rest of the walk. 

—

Her happiness was short-lived, of course, but she’d still always appreciate Superintendent Holdo’s encouragement. 

The consequences of the morning’s “surprise” started off innocuously enough. Poe, who was so often kind to her, gave her a pointed, angry look in the corridor. Finn wouldn’t even meet her eye. They weren’t close, but he always cast her a statutory head nod at least. 

Then she saw Rose, who couldn’t keep a secret to save her life. She also couldn’t fight a scowl. 

“What the fuck, Kanata?” Rose demanded, arms crossed. “Are you really this sore of a loser?”

Rey blinked. Loser? 

“What?”

“Don’t play _coy_, Rey. You didn’t get picked and you went and cried sexual harassment to Holdo. Now we’re _all_ under investigation. The whole Mars crew. We could get disqualified from the program completely. Bazine has already gotten the boot, who knows who you’ll fuck over next?” 

_What?_

Rey just blinked. What else was there to say? It’s not like she could defend herself at all. Maybe she’d get Kylo to explain the situation to Rose, that Rey didn’t know anything, didn’t even instigate the investigation. 

“I-I did-didn’t—“

“I don’t have time for you to stutter out a fucking excuse, Rey. Just—fuck you, okay? You ruined peoples lives today. I can’t believe I’ve ever stuck my neck out for you. Bazine was right, you’re a fucking freak.” 

_Don’t cry._

Rey turned on her heel and started walking to Kylo’s office.

_Do not cry, Rey._

She tried her best not to meet anyone’s eye. Word travelled a little too quickly for her liking, and she didn’t know if she could handle another glare without combusting. 

_Do. Not. Cry. Don’t do it. _

She’d barely gripped the handle on Kylo’s door before the first of the tears fell, forced out of her eyes like water from a bursting dam. If he wasn’t in there, she didn’t know what she’d do. 

Fortunately he was. 

Rey slipped in as quietly as possible and shut the door behind her. She even had the sense to lock it, because if anyone else saw her like this, she’d never be able to show her face at NASA again. Kylo was on the phone speaking Russian, so she crept to the corner of his office and heaved herself into the floor as quietly as possible. This was probably an important conversation given the time difference. It was at least 9PM at Russia. 

She folded her elbows onto her knees and sobbed quietly into the small, private space it created. 

“Poslushay menya, ya dolzhen idti. Da. …Da.” 

Rey was too miserable to smile about the fact that she’d picked up on the meaning of the words. _Listen to me, I have to go, yeah, yeah._ Her Russian was improving. Even worse. What would she do with that skill when Kylo was literally exploring the stars and she was stuck on Earth, ostracized from her only other peers—though the term was applied loosely—over a horrendous misunderstanding? 

She heard him scoot away from his desk and march towards her spot in the corner. 

“Dorogaya?” 

Rey refused to look up. Her face was undoubtedly ugly and tear-streaked, and she wasn’t ready to use her words yet, if she had any left in her at all. 

“Zayka.” 

She shook her head. 

“_Solnyshko._ Look at me.” 

Rey sucked a snotty breath through her nose, which only served to embarrass her further. Kylo was staring down at her with an unmatched intensity, which resulted in _another_ snotty, sniffly breath through her nose. 

He squatted down beside her. It was awkward; his knees jutted out so much further. Rey rarely considered how large Kylo actually was, but she felt so small beside him. This was comforting in its own right. He was large and powerful and _imposing_ and here to protect her, and even though her demons weren’t at all physical, that was almost enough. 

Kylo reached out a thumb to wipe away at the tears under her eyes. The effort was futile since another steady stream fell to take its place, but she found solace in the warmth of his finger against her stained cheeks.

“What’s wrong?” He asked softly, though there was still a hint of a demand in his tone. “Was it the investigation? Holdo is impressed with you, it should have gone well.” 

Rey shook her head. She wanted to say something; she knew that she couldn’t. More tears forced themselves out of her eyes, this time from exasperation, because she couldn’t make a sound. Couldn’t do anything. She felt powerless, inadequate, impotent, _weak._

“Rey, what’s 56 times 72?” 

She almost smiled. She held up four fingers, then zero, then three, then two. _4032._ It helped. 

“546 times 37?”

He must have done that one on purpose. She signed 20202 with her fingers. 

“I don’t think I’m stumping you enough. Can you do long division in your head?”

Rey nodded. 

“37,548 divided by 63?”

Long division was less immediate for her, so she looked at the ceiling for a moment before smiling and signing _596._

Kylo grinned. “I hope our kids are as smart as you.” He reached out and tugged on her closest hand so he could bring her knuckles to his lips. He kissed each of them, one by one, even the one that rested lower below her thumb. 

When she finally smiled at his efforts, he bent over to press a peck against her cheek. “We’ll just sit here for a while. Until you’re ready.” 

_I love you,_ Rey thought, but there’s no way she could say it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pet names!
> 
> what kylo calls rey:  
solnishko: little sun  
zvezda mora: my stars  
dorogaya: sweetheart  
zayka: bunny
> 
> what rey calls kylo:  
lyubimiy: (loosely) my love


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1) Kylo's POV
> 
> 2) this is not how this chapter was supposed to go, but sometimes these characters write themselves, and...they really wanted this 
> 
> umm...consider this just a fluffy, smutty bonus chapter. i'll put out another one this week to make up for it. 
> 
> not much in the way of plot. but...things. yeah, things happen. and then things are said. 
> 
> *hides*

Kylo Ren was not a characteristically peaceful man. He never had been, especially not during his time with the Roscosmos. Many a printer had fallen apart at his hand, many an intern had burst into tears at his words, and many a framed portrait of the president had to be replaced due to projectiles he was directly responsible for launching. 

His real boss, a man so powerful that even Kylo wasn’t even sure if he knew his real name, had threatened Kylo’s very existence if he’d embarrassed Russia by throwing tantrums overseas. 

So Kylo had been on his best behavior. 

Except now, he wasn’t sure if even the threat of slow, mortal torture was enough to prevent him from beating someone to death. 

His girl was crying. Bawling, really, coming apart in the worst way right on his office floor. Rey was so hurt she couldn’t speak, not even to recite her beautiful numbers and mental calculations to him. Maybe it was for the best that she couldn’t muster up any words for now—it might give him time to calm down, rationalize, prevent himself from doing something to hurt both their futures. 

Ah, who was he kidding. Someone had to die for this. 

“Sweetheart, you are so beautiful,” he cooed, voice unwavering. He refused to reveal his true mental state; it would only frighten her more. “So kind. I told my mother about you, yeah? She said she thought space was my only mistress.” 

Rey looked up at that. A fleeting glance over wide, swollen, hazel orbs. Her eyes were so puffy the sight made his own sting in sympathy. Nothing was worse than her tear-stained cheeks. 

He hooked her chin between his fingers and let his face find hers. His lips pressed firmly against one wet cheek, then the other. Then they found her eyes. She wiggled a bit at the contact of his mouth on such a sensitive area, but he knew she’d be fine. He needed to take the pain away. This was the only way he knew how. 

“Ya lyublyu tebya. Do you know what that means, solnyshko? I love you, roughly, but it’s so much more meaningful in my mother tongue.”

Rey’s eyes widened. She almost looked strangled. He kissed the corner of her mouth and shook his head. 

“I don’t want you to say it back. Not yet.” 

She relaxed a bit at that. He grabbed both of her hands and twined her little fingers around his. 

“When I first saw you, I saw your three little buns. Boom, boom, boom. They looked so ridiculous and cute. I wish you had them in today. Every day.” 

He chuckled, then squeezed her hands. 

“You were so afraid of me, scared I might bite you. Eat you. But all you had to do to send away the big bad wolf was bat those pretty little eyes of yours, let me trace the constellations in your freckles under those pink, blushing cheeks. You’re so beautiful it’s unbelievable, Rey.” 

He tugged her hands gently, just enough that she’d fall forward into his lap. She clung onto him chest first, arms wrapped firmly around his neck, legs tight around his waist. His embrace was equally desperate. One hand snaked around her hip, the other pulling her in even harder at the small of her back. 

“But the most beautiful thing about you is how sweet you are. How humble and hard-working and oh-so-fucking smart. I’ve never met a sexier woman in my life, it’s even sexier that you let me touch you. I can’t believe you let me breathe the same air as you, Rey. That you allow me to occupy your perfect space, touch your perfect body, level with your perfect mind.” 

He kissed the crook of her neck when he felt her tremble. 

Happy tears this time, he hoped. 

“I am so gone for you, Rey, just knowing you’re here makes me better. Soulmates must be fucking real, fate must have a hand in this, destiny, something. Something designed you for me, and me for you, and I wish I could fall at its feet and worship it for giving me the opportunity to worship you.” 

And worship her he would. 

He worked his tongue against her neck. He traveled up and down again, pausing to nibble at her earlobe every time he reached the peak. This made her squirm in his lap and the pressure against his aching hardness was agonizing, delicious enough that he groaned involuntarily. She mewled in response.

It was the closest he’d gotten to hearing her voice all day. 

“I love you,” he whispered as he sucked a bruise into her shoulder. It would show. People would know. He didn’t give a fuck; let everyone know who she belonged to. Let them know not to ever fuck with her. 

Kylo would meticulously orchestrate the firings of every Snoke or Bazine that stood in Rey’s way, and if he couldn’t harm them professionally, he’d do even worse personally. 

Kylo shifted his weight around so they were no longer facing the wall, and deposited Rey on the carpeted ground in front of his desk. He watched her eyes widen in protest when he rose. 

“Time out, one second,” he grinned wolfishly. He snatched a pillow from his supply closet and knelt beside her. “Crucial for you, liybimaya. Neck support. Up!” 

She almost looked like she might smile when she lifted the top half of her body from the ground. He placed the pillow under her and guided her back down to rest. 

He knelt at her feet and leaned forward so his hands could rest on her thighs. Even through the fabric, he could feel how soft she was. How perfect and pliant and _just for him_. 

He could see the consent in her eyes when he looked up at her through heavy lids. Even then, he needed to be sure. He’d never do anything to pressure her. 

“May I worship you, Rey?” 

Her bottom lip disappeared entirely between her teeth when she nodded. 

Kylo unwrapped her body like he was a dying man and she was the cure. 

He started with her shoes, heels. Wedges, really, since Rey hated heels, but they were part of the non-athletic dress code. He spent a few minutes rubbing each foot, paying careful attention to her arches and heels. She moaned at one point, and even though this act of service was entirely for her own benefit, the sound went directly to his cock. 

The next thing to go was her regulation skirt. The button was on the side for some reason. Rey had to help him find it. He tugged it down her legs, over the milky, creamy expanse of her toned thighs, over her knees and finally to the ground. Her legs were smooth, shiny, perfect. He could still smell the lotion she’d applied that morning. Hints of gardenia and rose and something else that only belonged to her. 

He started at her ankles and rubbed his way up, slowly but surely, making sure to experience and savor every inch of her soft, exposed skin. He hoped she could feel even a fraction of the love, the care, the belonging he’d felt when she’d surprised him last Friday. It was the most beautiful thing anyone’s ever done for him; a memory that will be permanently etched in his brain. 

He couldn’t wait to talk about it at their wedding. 

Kylo finally reached her thighs and bent down to kiss each one. He spread them just far enough apart that he could lay down between them. He was almost to his ultimate target at her center, his nose finally picking up on the muted musk of her arousal. The scent was intoxicating on its own, but his mouth watered at the memory of her taste. 

He gave her thighs a statutory squeeze. He’d come back to massage them later. Really, he would. For now, his brain had a singular focus. 

_Rey Kanata’s dripping cunt._

He hooked his index fingers into her panties and tugged them down the length of her legs. They were cute, white with black polka dots. Clearly boy shorts. He would have appreciated them more if they weren’t impeding his mouth. 

He took in the sight of her and groaned. His thumb pressed against her clit, rubbing in little circles until she keened against him. 

“Did it get even prettier, Rey?” He asked in wonder. He meant it, too. He thought he’d seen the prettiest pussy on Friday, but the knowledge he’d gained having had his tongue and fingers in it somehow made it even more beautiful. “I’ve never, ever seen such a perfect cunt.” 

He pulled his thumb away from her clit and licked what he could from it. He wanted to continue giving her the stimulation she preferred, but he needed to taste her first. All of her. Slurp away nectar of the gods that leaked from her entrance. 

His mouth instinctively formed an ‘O’ when he pressed it against her opening. He licked and sucked and explored, lapped and drooled and begged for more until she was writhing and he knew she couldn’t take it anymore. His tongue left her entrance in favor of the sweet bundle of nerves that lay in wait just a few inches higher. 

After a few minutes of concentration, Rey had her first orgasm. She squeezed his face so hard with her thighs he thought she might pass out from the lack of oxygen. Then she made filthy, animalistic sounds that even the most perverse corners of his psyche couldn’t have conjured up on their own. 

He might be content to let her go if she gave him two more just like it. If not, they’d just have to spend the rest of the day locked in his office. 

He propped himself on his elbows stared up at her. There were tears leaking from the corners of her eyes, but Kylo was certain these were from pleasure and not pain. Her eyes connected with his and he couldn’t help it. He fucking growled. 

He knew there was a mixture of spit and slick dripping from his lips to his chin. He didn’t care. He needed Rey’s lips. 

Their mouths crashed together in a flurry of tongues and teeth and it was rough. It was _sex_, sex fueled by the passion that only soulmates bound by immaculate design could ever possibly conjure. 

“I love you,” he groaned when he pulled away to catch his breath. She pulled him back in before he could finish his exhale. “Going to—fuck,” he whimpered when his clothed cock met her core. He was going to have a wet spot on his slacks and he didn’t even fucking care. He ground against her, letting their tongues tangle together until his mouth was capable of forming a word or two again. “Going to marry you, baby. Want some...oh my God, baby, just like that...” he moaned into her ear when she started meeting each of his thrusts with her own. “Rey, baby, I want to fuck you so bad, I’m fucking trembling.” 

He heard Rey gasp. Then her thrusts against him stopped. 

_Fuck._ He’d said the wrong fucking thing again. 

He rolled off of her and onto his back, because he was sure she needed the space, and that she hated him for pushing—

His train of thought was interrupted by some very nimble fingers tugging on his belt. 

“Baby, what are you doing?” He rasped. 

She cast him a look that shut him up immediately. 

Rey knew what she wanted. He had to stop treating her like a glass figurine, and how was he supposed to deny her when she was stroking his dick through his pants like a fucking pornstar? 

When she finally freed his cock, her eyes widened like she’d seen a monster. 

He knew he was above average, but not so bad. Nearly 9 inches with decidedly good girth. Was it that he wasn’t circumcised? Most American men were circumcised, maybe that’s what she expected. 

She tugged his foreskin down and licked a stripe from the base to the tip. His legs clenched and he almost lost it right there. 

Where the fuck did Rey learn how to give head? 

She sucked his tip into her mouth and let her tongue roam all the way around the head, sucking away at the dribbles of precum his body had produced just for her. 

Kylo Ren had never known true pleasure before Rey descended on his length, further and further until his tip pressed against the back of her throat. Even that paled in comparison to when she hollowed her cheeks and began sucking in earnest. Any other pleasure paled in comparison to how he felt fucking his angel’s mouth. 

“Oh, fuck, that’s good,” Kylo groaned, fighting every primal urge screaming at him to buck into her mouth. Next time he would. Next time he’d destroy that tight little throat. His balls tightened at the thought, he was about to fucking blow. 

She must have recognized the tell-tale sign of his cock twitching, because she pulled her mouth off of him with a wicked grin and a _pop_ of her lips. 

“Who are you? Where is my solnyshko?” He chuckled when she crawled over him. 

He knew what she was about to do, and fuck he didn’t want to stop her, but he had to be responsible. For her. Only her. 

“I am clean, sweetheart, but definitely not sterile. Are you on birth control?” 

She shook her head. 

“_Fuck._ Can I buy you a Plan B? Is that okay?” 

Instead of nodding, she reached behind herself and grabbed his cock to line it with her entrance. She was even wetter than before. How did he find a woman that got wet giving head? 

“I’m ready, baby,” he nodded. “Do you want to leave your shirt on?”

She was still trying to get his dick in the right position, but he heard her manage a quick “mhm.” 

He wished his sunshine didn’t have so much trouble expressing herself, for the sake of her own comfort. She must feel so frustrated. 

Nothing about her could ever bother him. 

The head of his penis finally made its way in, and the way her face contorted just from the first inch or so was enough to make his chest swell with pride. 

He quickly lost himself in the sensation of her wetness. Tight, warm, and slick with arousal that belonged to him. Only him. He was this perfect pussy’s first, he would be its forever, and there wouldn’t be another day that passed without him inside it. 

His hands found her hips and he helped her ease herself the rest of the way down. He found himself whispering “relax, relax” when she’d clench, and she would. It took a few agonizing minutes, but she was finally seated at the hilt. Kylo continued to fight the urge to buck into her. 

“I’ve never felt anything so tight,” he confessed. He could see her so perfectly from here; he watched her cheeks turn pink from the lewd compliment. “You were made for my dick, weren’t you, baby? Your pussy was sculpted by the master artist just to take my throbbing—nnghhh.” 

She’d started to move. 

His lips couldn’t form words anymore. His brain couldn’t supply them anyway, so it didn’t matter. 

She stimulated him perfectly. It was such a scientific way to think about it; impersonal, even. But the grind of her pussy, up and down, swallowing his length, making his cock _buzz_ inside of her, building up a pressure he had to bite his cheek to the point of bleeding to avoid...that’s all he could say. Perfect stimulation. 

A perfect pussy for his perfect woman. He’d never let it go. 

He felt selfish being on the receiving end of so much pleasure, so he reached his hand down and let his thumb dance around her clit again. It was second nature to him, he could really feel what she liked and disliked based on the way her cunt clenched around him. She was moaning so loud he was sure he’d get fired, that someone would throw his door open and the cops would be there waiting to arrest them both for public indecency. 

But this wasn’t indecent. It was love. It was beautiful. 

They locked eyes moments before she gave herself to her second orgasm. He couldn’t believe the sensation of it around his cock—her pussy contracted him like it would never let him go, like they were two parts of the same whole and nothing else would ever matter but repeating this perfect fit over and over and over again. 

He spurted hot, white ropes of cum into her shortly after. 

Rey collapsed into his chest, refusing to give up his dick in the process. He was softening, but still firmly seated inside of her. They were both sweating, they were both ruined. They’d have to leave and change and maybe even take the day off. 

Rey deserved the day off. 

He pressed his lips into her hair and kissed her scalp. 

“I love you, solnyshko.” 

Rey sat up to stare into his eyes. It was the most intense gaze she’d ever fixed upon him, but he understood the intent. A thousand unspoken words. Even if he never heard them, it would be alright. 

Her mouth ghosted the words for a moment, but finally she managed, “…I love you, dorogoi.” 

Tears streamed down their eyes in unison. Then they both chuckled. It was funny, in a tragically romantic, horribly poetic sort of way. 

Kylo wrapped his arms around her. And because he couldn’t help but ruin a perfect moment, he whispered, “I can’t wait to fuck you on Mars.” 

“Shut _up_.” 

Perfect. 

His Rey was back again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rey to kylo: dorogoi  
male version of darling, really? 
> 
> the rest have been said a thousand times before. 
> 
> happy reading <3 hope you enjoyed this chapter.


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